As salamu alaykum sister,

Shokran for writing to our Live Session.  As I understand you met this boy 8 years ago which means you have known him since you were 12.  I am wondering if you live near each other and grew up together?  If this is the case and as you are both Muslims there should be no reason why you cannot marry.  However if he is not living near you  or if he has never met your family, that may explain some of his fear and hesitation.  However in Islam there is to be no racism in regards to one another.  Sadly, despite what the Qur’an says and despite what the Prophet(PHUH) said about superiority and racism, still  a lot of Muslims are racist and only approve of marriages within their own tribes or ethnicity.  This is an abomination,  Racism and the fear of it,  has and still does some terribly, horrid things to a person’s psyche.

With that said please do look carefully at your family sister, are they racist?  Would they reject him?  Or would they accept him lovingly with open arms as part of the family?   Some of his concerns may be valid.  As  8 years is a long time sister, you must feel very close to him.  While I do not know the extent of your communications, you indicated that you both have pretty much kept things halal.  Additionally as you were only a child when you met, you are no longer a child and the time  has come wherein you are both of the age to marry.

I would kindly suggest that you first discuss this with your parents to ensure that some of his reasons are not valid.  If they are, you need to decide how you will handle this.  Will you follow Islam, or your parents?   If they have no issues with race, then you need to approach him and state that none of his reasons are valid and you wish to marry him.  If he still gives excuses sister, then he really is not serious about marrying you, or it could be he would have problems with his family accepting the marriage.  It is hard to tell until you clear away any misconceptions that exist, only then can you move forward with a marriage or decide that he truly is not ready and move on.  As you are getting marriage proposals now as you are of age,

I would seriously  try to resolve this as soon as possible.   While I do understand your attachment and love for him  sister, you cannot get back lost time.   Therefore I encourage you to insha’Allah  speak with your parents about your desire to marry him, ensure there is no objection due to race, speak with the boy to inform him everything is settled on your side and proceed from there.  Once he is assured he will be accepted he will insha’Allah propose.   However if his lack of proposing is for a different reason then you will  know this too as he will offer more excuses.   Either way, it is time to move on by either marrying this boy to prevent a haram action from happening, or seriously looking at other proposals sister.   We wish you the best, you are in our prayers.