As salamu alaykum  sister,

Shokran for writing to our Live Session.  As I understand, you were born Muslim and 6 years ago really started concentrating on your faith and drawing closer to Allah after a difficult period in your life.  You then got caught up in a situation with a boy at your university wherein you had feelings for him even though he was not religious.  You stated that despite this, you had what you thought, were signs from Allah swt, that he was meant for you as a possible future spouse.  After graduation, however, you found out he was back with his x, and this devastated you.  Sister, as you did not mention whether or not you and this boy engaged in any haram acts so I will therefore address your question on the premise that you did not.  Based on your question and what little bit you did say about yourself, I see you as a very pious young lady who did not commit a haram act with this boy; a pious young lady who got hurt as you allowed your feelings to grow for this boy, which is natural sister and has happened to most of us.

As you have been focusing on getting closer to Allah and keeping yourself chaste all these years sister, you viewed this boy as a “reward” from Allah for doing so,.  However, did you ever ask yourself-why would Allah reward me with a potential husband who is not that religious, has a lot of female friends and an x girlfriend?  To me that does not sound like a reward sister, but it sounds more like a  punishment (for lack of a better analogy).  Why would you want to settle for someone who is not concerned with his relationship with Allah sister?  Who may have no fear of Allah ?  Who has had at least one x girlfriend that you know of, and possible more?  Who flirts with many girls feeling’s so non-nonchalantly?   Do you not think that Allah would reward you with someone who is a practicing Muslim, who is sincere and keeps himself chaste?  Instead of looking at this boy as a “lost reward” from Allah dear sister, perhaps after you think about the actual facts of the situation you will begin to look at it as either a test (Allah does test those He loves)  or as something that Allah kept from you in order to keep you safe as you are precious to Him.   Often times sister when we draw closer to Allah swt and focus on becoming better Muslims, we are tested.  Perhaps this boy was your test to see if you would remain close to Allah, or if you would put your emotions for this boy above your relationship with Allah.  While I understand the frustrations you are going through, wanting a marriage, a home and intimacy, these things will come  to you insha’Allah dear sister but you need to trust fully in Allah that He has what is best for you -waiting for you.   Do you feel this boy was best for you?  Please do make a list of the qualities you seek in a husband sister, and then make a list of qualities this boy possesses that match this.  To help you further insha’Allah, make a list of this boy’s good qualities and his negative ones.  Please look closely at him  from an Islamic perspective as a Muslim .  Is he the type of boy you would refer to your young sister, cousin or friend as a suitable marriage partner?  I think not.  The same expectations you would seek from a boy for someone you love should be the same criteria you should seek for yourself.

As he and your other classmates are moving on, I suggest you do the same sister.  Allah blessed you with intelligence, beauty, and a close relationship with Him.  You are a pious servant of Allah which means all good blessing will come to you in time.  In Allah’s time, and Allah knows best.  Alhumdulilah this boy did not propose, who knows how far away he could have taken you from Allah as he himself is not that religious.   Please do look at the blessing in this sister, and look at it as a test you passed.  You stated that you know that you need to fix your connection with Allah.  Many people who go through test (and we all go through many tests) do not know they need to repair their relationship with the Most High.  You know, therefore your connection with Allah is still there otherwise you would not be cognizant of the fact that you are in need of help from your Creator.

I kindly suggest that you look at this experience with the boy as a blessing and a test.  I encourage you sister to thank Allah for saving you from something that would possibly hurt you down the road or led you away from Allah completely.  Do make a list of the things you would like to accomplish next in life and set steps towards getting there.  Spend time with your Muslim sisters doing enjoyable things until your emotions calm, and make extra efforts to get back to where you were in regards to your relationship with Allah swt.   This in itself will aid in your healing, open your eyes to what you just went through as well as make you feel happy insha’Allah that things did not turn out the way you hoped.  Allah has something better for you sister, just be patient and trust in Allah, knowing He is keeping you safe.   You are in our prayers.