As-salamu alaykum dear sister,

First of all, you have the right to marry any man of your choice as long as he fits the Islamic requirements. From what you have said, things do seem backwards in regards to the Dowry. In Islam, the husband is suppose to give the wife (not family) a mahr (dowry). The women’s family does not pay a dowry to the mans family! Please sister, do bring out the Qur’an and read to them the Islamic requirements regarding dowry, marriage and a woman’s right to chose. A woman cannot be married against her will. As far as customs and culture, we are Muslims, and Islamic rules and way of life come first. Allah SWT’s orders do not come second to culture and customs. While it will not be easy I do not advise you to marry this man your parents have arranged for you, but rather point out the Islamic rulings and seek a local imam whom you trust to help you with this situation. If one is not to be found, find a sister’s group/organization that promotes the rights of women within Islamic rulings. Lastly, whatever steps you take to stand firm upon Islam and your rights, make sure you are safe and not in any danger from anyone. We wish you the best sister, you are in our prayers, please let us know how you are.