As salamu alaykum,

I am so sorry to hear if the abuse you had to endure as a child, as well as the rape you experienced at 20 years old. Your parents should have taken different measures with the abuser, but sadly they didn’t and we cannot change the past. We can only move forward with the future. While you did not mention the outcome of those who raped you when you were 20, insha’Allah they were held accountable and were punished. I believe in my heart that Allah SWT has a special place in hell for people who rape, and those who abuse children. Allah knows best alhumdulillah.

At this point in your life, you desire marriage, yet you cannot trust, and with good reason. Often times, children who are abused sexually and/or physically and women (and men) who have been raped can develop PTSD and other mental illness due to the trauma they sadly went through. I would kindly suggest insha’Allah that you get counseling for the past abuse so you can move on with your life. A good therapist can help you through the healing process as well as possibly link you with support groups for survivors of child abuse/rape. These groups can provide insight into successful recovery stories from others as well as teach you coping skills which also aid in healing.

Allah loves you. Always know that. In this life, we often go through horrid terrible things, but Allah does love us. What happened to you is not a punishment from Allah, but a sad reflection of the state of

some evil humans. Please do not let these experiences pull you away from Allah or yourself. You are a wonderful person whom I am confident will overcome the horrors you have been through. You just have to take the first step by getting help from a therapist. Once you begin therapy, you will begin to heal insha’Allah, and you can begin to plan your life and goals with a more freer, happier state of mind.

I kindly ask you to find someone you are close to and make a contract that you will not harm yourself. Suicide is not the answer. As you know not only is it a sin, but by ending your life, you are doubting Allah’s blessings of a better life ahead as well as letting your tormentors win. You are stronger than that. I know the pain is unbearable, but during these times, remind yourself that the pain will not last, seek refuge in Allah SWT. Recite Qur’an and do dhzikr. These acts of worship are healing in themselves. Do charity work, help others who are in pain, such as Syrian refugee’s, homeless people and others who are less fortunate than us. Helping others always uplifts our spirits and acts as a healing mechanism as well. Please do insha’Allah get counseling as soon as possible so you can leave this nightmare and begin your journey into a renewed and happier life. You can do it, I believe in you, you need to believe in yourself as well.

You are in our prayers, please let us know how you are doing.