As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. As I understand, your husband and you have been married for 9 years.   As he was not settled financially, your dad and your brother helped you both and you even stayed at your brother’s place for a while.

 

This was an arranged marriage and you stated it was never a happy marriage from the beginning. Your husband was always very aggressive and angry. He used to get angry about small issues and not talk to you until you would say you were sorry or cried in front of him. He never trusted you. Further, you were not allowed to talk on the phone for more than a few minutes to your family and he was jealous whenever they came over.

 

Sister this sounds like the traits of a very abusive man. What you described in your question are hallmark features of abuse. He was abusing you mentally and emotionally. As you got pregnant and had two children you now had other lives to think about.

 

Sister you tried to do the right thing and make the marriage work but it became too much.  Alhumdulilah, you are now at your brothers home.  As your parents have left the country to go home, you feel very much alone. You are in the process of divorce and your children are with their grandparents. I can imagine the turmoil you must feel sister. You have not only gone through an abusive relationship but now you are without your children and do not have a clue on how to proceed with your life.

 

You do talk to your children and chat with online them but you miss them very much. You also feel like you’re a burden and you fear being alone because you don’t have the confidence to work and take care of your children alone. Sister, it sounds like you are going through a lot of anxiety and stress.

 

I will kindly suggest that you seek out a counselor in your area for regular counseling. As you have been through an abusive situation it has no doubt left emotional scars on you which needs to heal. I am confident that you are a very capable young lady.  Insha’Allah, you will secure a job which is enjoyable and beneficial.  You will be an excellent mother to your children. It will take time to sort things out sister, but I know you can.

 

I kindly suggest that you also see an employment or career specialist to find out what your interests are so you can get the training for a job that you may enjoy. I’d also kindly suggest that you go to the Masjid as much as possible to pray, make friends with the sister’s there, and go out from time to time for social outings. Having balance in our lives is necessary and it is a good thing especially when one is under stress and feeling lost.

 

At the same time you are getting your life together, I would suggest that insha’Allah you create an agreement between you and the grandparents in regards to how long they will have the children. You may or may not want to secure a lawyer (they do have free ones for people who are low-income).   A lawyer can help you in regards to child custody as well as your rights to alimony and child support.

 

During this time insha’Allah, do get counseling, seek out the services of an employment-career training center.  Maintain or build relationships with your sisters at the Masjid and know that this situation and feelings will not last forever. There are many, many successful single moms out there who started off just like you-alone, scared, with little skills.  They made it, and so will you!  We wish you the best.