As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Thank you for writing into our live session. You stated that you got married 1.5 years ago. Your husband lives in the United States and you live in the UAE. This was also an arranged marriage and it was not much of you or your husband’s decision according to you. While you have no regrets, you stated that your husband does. He apparently wanted to marry a few years later but you stated his family forced him to do it now.

 

As you were raised in a strict manner and weren’t allowed to hang out, you feel that you are not mean you’re not smart or mature as your husband wishes you to be.   Sister, please do realize that by not focusing on an intense social life,  you had more time for your studies and for things that would prepare you better for your future. Your husband according to you, wants someone who’s very mature like him and who understands him. But as you pointed out the problem, you don’t live together.  He lives in the US and you live in the UAE.

 

Often times couples do live apart when they’re married.  It is not really a good practice, especially a new marriage.  It is very important for the husband and wife to get to know one another, bond and spend time doing things together as a couple. This creates love and affection between a husband and wife. You stated your husband is getting angry with you, and you get short with him and say things that you shouldn’t. This may or may not be due to the lack of bonding time and the distance apart.  It is stressful and depressing when you must live away from the one you love.

 

Sister, I will kindly suggest insha’Allah discussing with him the things that you would like to see changed in the marriage. This may also mean sister that you also have to work on some of the things you fall short on too.  You may want to make a list and be sure to include the good points of the marriage, as well as things that you feel will help make it stronger. Insha’allah, he will be receptive to trying to save the marriage.  Perhaps it can be looked upon as an Eid gift to each other. If he does not want to talk right now, write him a letter and follow up with a call.

 

In regards to him feeling like he regrets marrying you, I don’t think it is your sister, I think it’s just that he was forced into a marriage at a time when he didn’t want to marry.  He may feel anger and resentment over that. It may be directed at you more so but I am willing to bet he is upset with his parents.  In regards to you sacrificing not talking to guy friends from childhood and not accepting guy friends on Facebook, those really aren’t sacrifices sister, those are things you should just be doing anyhow.

 

As Eid is coming up, I do kindly suggest that you try to schedule a time to speak with him inshallah.  Explain that you would like to start over by both of you being more kind and communicative to one another as  Eid gift. I would kindly suggest that the two of you begin to discuss when it will be possible to live together and make plans for this. This really is a critical part of marriage.  This may be part of the tension between the two of you. Insha’Allah it gets resolved soon.  Make duaa to Allah sister, asking Allah to bless your marriage and make it possible that you live together as husband and wife.

 

We wish you the best.