As-salamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

 

Alhamdulilah there are many solutions to controlling anger in Islam. You have taken the best first step by coming forward and asking for help. This indicates that you are serious and willing to do what it takes to overcome the problem, especially as you don’t want to set a bad example for your children.

 

Firstly, seeking refuge from Shaytaan and remembering Allah always can help curb anger. Furthermore, on the advice of the Prophet (SAW), doing wudu can extinguish anger, as can sitting if standing, or lying down if sitting.

 

These are very simple techniques that you can use at the moment as you feel an episode of anger coming on.

 

Furthermore, refraining from scenarios that make you angry by avoiding them all together can be a useful means of preventing anger in the first place. Identifying triggers in this way can help you to avoid situations occurring that make you feel angry. For example, if a busy shopping center can bring on bursts of anger, simply changing the time that you go shopping can be a means to avoid anger-inducing situations in the first place.

 

In addition to identifying what makes you angry and minimizing contact with your trigger, practicing various anger management strategies and identifying what works best for you is the next step. Examples were given above on how to coronet anger quickly at the moment as given in the sunnah, but there are also various other techniques that you can try also.

 

Things such as squeezing a stress ball can help, or punching a pillow, essentially finding a safe inanimate object to release your anger onto. Other people find calmer activities like painting or going for a walk are more useful ways to calm their anger. You might find that different techniques work best in different scenarios, or some might work perfectly all the time and others never work. At first, you will need to begin with a bit of trial and error until you work out what works best for you. It can be useful to keep a diary of these techniques for a while noting how you feel before and after using each technique. This will help you to see which one really works best for you.

 

Additionally, I don’t know how long it was since you were bereaved, but if you feel that your anger may be a result of becoming a widow, and has perhaps become a coping mechanism in managing grief then you might also consider seeking bereavement counselling as a means to overcome the potential underlying cause of your ongoing anger.

 

Regarding working from home, with today’s technological advances there are many options available now. If there is any particular skill that Allah has blessed you with then use this to your advantage this might be in the form of selling something that you can make, writing for online publications, or recording courses, to give a few ideas about where to start. There are many support groups online that guide you with these options and more.

 

May Allah bring you ease and guide you in the straight path.