As salamu alaykum dear sister,
Shokran for writing to our Live Session. Congratulations on your pregnancy! As I understand your situation, you had to discontinue your studies at the University for your first child who is now 9 months old. Afterwards you resumed your studies, and now you are pregnant again.
Not Ready for Another Child
Based on the quick conception of your second child and your desire to complete your studies, you feel that you are not ready for another child. Sister this is understandable as you just had a baby 9 months ago. However, children are often conceived a few months or years apart. It is quite common. I understand your apprehension. The thought of having another child at this time may be overwhelming for several reasons, one being that you would like to finish your studies. You stated that you feel sad because it was your father’s dream that you complete your studies.
Dreams and Goals
Sister, I would kindly suggest that insha’Allah you contemplate your career path and decide for yourself what a truly is that you would like to do. I understand it was your father’s dream that you finish your studies but what is your dream? You may wish to make a list of your goals, dreams and desires and things you wish to accomplish. Perhaps they are in alignment with your fathers wishes, maybe they are not. It is okay sister to pursue your own different path concerning studies, a career or being a stay at home mom.
Ready or not?
Perhaps you are ready for another child, but you feel guilty because you fear you cannot fulfill your father’s dream. Or it could be that you truly want to complete your studies, but in a different field. Maybe you feel it truly is too soon for another child given you had a c-section only nine months ago. Maybe you feel your body has not fully recovered yet, regardless of school aspirations.
Exploring what you are Truly Feeling
Whatever the case may be, insha’Allah please do look over your list of hopes and aspirations. Include an honest evaluation of how you are feeling physically and emotionally as well. This can assist you in determining what it is that you’re truly feeling. Insha’Allah you can continue with your studies while you are pregnant with your second child if this is the direction you want to go in-for you. After the birth of your child insha’Allah you can resume your studies once again. Many women do this. It takes a bit longer to get a degree, but it has been done, and is being done by many women worldwide-both Muslim and non-Muslim.
Husband is against Education and Working
You stated your husband doesn’t want you to work or study. However, this is a personal choice regarding your decision for your life. As you are married, it is best to come to a compromise with your husband regarding your goals and aspirations. In marriage we are to sacrifice to please our partners and strengthen our bond of marriage. However, this goes for both husband and wife. When we love someone, we seek to assist them attain their goals and dreams (as long as it’s not haram).
There are many women who do go to school, complete degrees, have a career, raise families and do perfectly fine. It is a lot of work though, and supportive loved ones who lend a helping hand along the way is a definite plus. If you have family in the area who can help from time to time, that would be a blessing. When discussing compromises, an example may be that you agree to work part time while the children are young.
Your husband may compromise by offering extra help while you finish your studies. Insha’Allah, your husband will soften his stance and become supportive of you. Oftentimes a husband cannot see the blessings of an educated wife-both spiritually, financially as well as emotionally. It is said that when a woman is educated-the whole family becomes educated.
Insha’Allah sister, please do some inner reflection and journaling about what direction you want to go in. Decide if you are living your father’s dream-or yours. If you decide it is yours, speak with your husband about your plans to complete your studies. Discuss the benefits of your having an education and a compromise if he is resistant. Seek the support of family and friends if need be for the duration of the process.
If it is a case that you do not want to complete your studies, and you just fear hurting your father because he wanted you to, perhaps it is time to take a different path. Just because this is your father’s dream sister does not mean that it has to be yours. If it is yours fine, but if it is not there is no harm in changing paths. As you had a C-section and then got pregnant almost 7 months later, please do ensure you are in good health for your second child by consulting with your doctor.
Insha’Allah, look at this situation as a blessing and a challenge. There are many challenges in life sister and insha’Allah we learn about our inner reserves and we become stronger. Rely on Allah, make duaa for guidance and direction. Allah loves you sister and will bless you in your pursuit of living your best life for your family and yourself as a Muslima. We wish you the best.
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.