As salamu alaykum brother,
Shokran for writing to our live session. As I can tell from your question you are going through a lot of emotions right now. Not only have you fallen in love with a young lady who is your classmate, but you have gone from one side to the other.
A Greater Love
Brother, you went from getting close to this girl and committing haram things, to fighting your parents about it, and then realizing your wrongful acts. You finally repented to Allah with great remorse and sadness. You choose the greater love. Brother, your love for Allah is very apparent. Even though you are in pain, you are in a very good place. When one does not realize the sins they have committed or the bad things they have done, it is a dangerous place. However, you have realized, and you have chosen Allah. You have chosen to walk the right path towards true happiness. The pain you feel will diminish as you choose Allah over your feelings of love for this girl. Allah loves you brother and will never leave you harmed. You will heal. May Allah bless you brother for your insight, recognition, and willingness to stop haram behaviors.
When it Hurts
I know all of this hurts. There is nothing sadder than being separated from the one that you love. However, the ultimate love is Allah. Separation from Him is one of the greatest pains. With that said, I kindly suggest that you continue to draw close to Allah and pray to Him for mercy and relief in regard to your feelings for this girl.
What is Meant for you will not Pass you by
Please know that whatever Allah has for you will not pass you by. If this girl is meant for you she will be your wife. You stated that she said she would accept Islam. You also stated that you do not feel she is sincere. However, you are forgetting that only Allah knows the heart. Perhaps she is sincere. If this is the case, she may need time to study Islam and get to know what it is that she truly wants. What she wants is not in regard to you however, it is in regard to her life path. I kindly suggest dear brother that you continue to have no contact with her and trust in Allah. If she is the one for you, Allah will open that door.
Re-evaluating Weak Points
In regard to how you ended up in this relationship, it is perplexing. You stated that you did fall into these haram behaviors because she gave you the love that you never got home. However, in another point you mentioned your parents raised you with the utmost kindness. Therefore, I’m a little confused as to your reason. Brother, sometimes there is no clear cut reason as to why we do certain things. As humans we get weak. We often think we need to find a “fatal flaw” when in fact none exists except our own humanness. We all sin, none of us are perfect. What is important though, is repenting for our wrong doing, putting it behind us and moving forward, closer to Allah. If weak points do exist however, we need to evaluate, examine and resolve them so we don’t repeat our mistakes. This evaluation makes us stronger insha’Allah!
Drawing Closer to Allah
At this point you have chosen to cut off the relationship and draw closer to Allah. As you know brother with this decision, nothing can harm you as you have Allah’s favor and protection. You may have to struggle with basic human emotions such as missing this girl, longing for her, and feeling lost without her. However, you should draw your strength from knowing that you are pleasing Allah swt.
I kindly advise you to focus on your studies, keep busy with things that are Islamically upbuilding. Also make time for social fun with your friends. This life involves a balance. I understand you feel depressed and sad right now, however if you reach out and engage in life again insha’Allah you will begin to feel better. Trust in Allah’s love, mercy and blessings and insha’Allah the hurt will begin to diminish. We never know what Allah has for us, so trust
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.