As salamu alaykum dear sister,

Shokran for writing to us. As I understand your situation you have a 9-year-old daughter. Your daughter is very loving and an understanding child. However, your husband beats your daughter for various reasons such as not obeying, back answering etc. Your husband also expects perfect behavior from her all of the time. You stated that at times he is like a bully.

Abusive Father

Sister as you know this is a very serious situation. I’m not sure where you live but most countries, states, cities, and regions have very strict laws against abusing children. In addition, as we are Muslim there are very strict laws regarding how to treat children. Abuse is not one of them. It sounds as if your husband has some severe issues of his own. For one to harm a child in this way it’s not normal.

Stop the Abuse

I would kindly suggest that you first speak with your husband regarding his violent and abusive ways of dealing with your daughter. Inform him it must stop. If he does not stop abusing your daughter immediately, you and your daughter must leave the home. It is up to you to protect your daughter from your husband. We are all going to be held accountable to Allah for how we treat our children, as well as what we do to keep them safe from harm. It is your obligation as from mother to protect her from harm.

Leaving and Finding a Safe Place for your Daughter

My dear sister, I can imagine this hurt you very badly. However, you must put your daughter first before your husband right now and get her out of danger. I kindly suggest insha’Allah that you contact family members for assistance and begin separating from your husband. I am not recommending counseling or anger management or any other intervention at this point because of the severity of the situation.

Your daughter’s life is at stake. Your husband could kill your daughter. I do not know how long this abuse has been going on, but at nine years old she probably is already psychologically damaged and traumatized from your husband. Please speak with your family members about going back home. If you cannot do this, ask friends or sisters at the Masjid for help. If that is not an option please do call crisis services in your area. If you do seek to leave (which I hope you do), please do not let your husband know what you are planning.

Covering your Tracks

If you are searching on the internet for resources, please do erase your history. Erase any numbers that you may call so he cannot find out because he may turn on you. Sister I know this is not easy and my heart goes out to you, however my heart first goes out to your daughter. No child deserves to live like this. It is not only unIslamic behavior but it is inhuman. It is a sin.

Conclusion

Sister, I am sure that you are a very good mother, I can hear in your question your agony and your sadness over the situation. Please do make duaa to Allah for strength to seek the help that you need as well as ask Allah to keep you and your daughter safe. Ask Allah for His mercy. Once your daughter is in a safe place you can discuss with a counselor or a family member the options you may consider.

This may include your husband going to counseling, you both going for marriage counseling, a prolonged separation, or even a divorce if he will not change. Please do not worry about these options right now however, your first option is getting your daughter to safety. You both are in our prayers please let us know how you are doing.