As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. I am sorry to hear about the issues you’ve been having with your daughter. Both you and your daughter have been through a lot in the past 10 months, especially your daughter. As you indicated, your daughter had a major illness and surgery.

 

What you did not explain -was what the illness or surgery was. Was it disabling?  Was she in the hospital for long periods? Did she appear sad or withdrawn afterward? I am sure it was very traumatic for her as she is only 6 years old. Children do not process these types of events as we do.   Additionally, your husband has to work in another part of the country so he is not with her. She also is now going to a different school and that is a big change.

 

Sister if you look at all the changes that your six-year-old daughter has been through in the past year, it is a lot. Some of it is probably very traumatic for her. The surgery, being separated from her father, moving, as well as going to a new school and losing the friends that she did have are all major life events.

 

While children are usually resilient, sometimes when there are traumatic events upon traumatic events –they have a hard time adjusting emotionally. It may be that your daughter doesn’t want to go to school because she is dealing with a lot of feelings and emotional issues that have not yet been worked through. Additionally, she did experience bullying in school which is added to the past 10 months of traumas and losses. While she is very smart and appears to have adjusted well, perhaps she needs further intervention.

 

I would encourage that you talk to her and ask her questions about the way she feels. I would kindly suggest that insha’Allah, to open up communication with your daughter as to how she feels about all of the events over the past 10 months, you try “art therapy”. You may wish to engage her in a coloring session wherein you say “hey, let’s color a picture about your classroom or (your surgery, dad’s job across the country or moving, etc). The point is to pick an event which you feel may be causing hurt and pain that she cannot talk about or clearly express. With your daughter, you can start a conversation based on the pictures that she draws and colors. They may be very revealing. Children often can put into art what they cannot say in words.

 

I would kindly suggest dear sister that you engage your daughter in counseling. Insha’ Allah, if you decide to do this, you may wish to ask her pediatrician for a referral to a good child counselor. A good counselor will be able to help your child identify and work through what is bothering her. Attachment issues may be involved due to her multiple losses and changes within the past year. Ongoing counseling can help you both address these issues. Insha’Allah the goal is to make your daughter feel safe, secure, and emotionally adjusted so she can appropriately deal with her feelings.

 

Sister, I know this is not easy.  You have been through a lot as well. You are doing the best you can, and it is obvious you love her so much and want her to be happy.  Insha’Allah she will get through this soon.  Please know you’re a wonderful mom.  May Allah make this easy for you, you are in our prayers.