Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

Living with regrets for such a long time can take its toll on the person due to prolonged psychological pressure. We all live with some regrets from things we have said and done in childhood and often wish we could go back and change them. The problem is that we can’t.

 

Like in your scenario, you can’t take back what has happened; that you didn’t debate with your gather about allowing you to study outside of your city and accept the marriage proposal. What you can do, however, is not let these past events continue to bother and effect who you are today. You can use what happened to shape who you are today and learn from past mistakes, giving you the confidence to speak up when necessary so as to avoid the same regrets you are experiencing now.

 

Also, remember that perhaps if it was meant to be; if you were meant to study outside your hometown or marry this man then Allah would have allowed it happen. He didn’t allow it to happen and maybe that is what was best for you. Use your trust in Allah that He guided you in the path you are on now to find more comfort in the situation.

 

Ponder of the positive things that have happened in the last 7 years that possibly wouldn’t have done if you had to study away from home or married this man. You may see some things now,  and others maybe in the future. For example, maybe Allah has someone who will be better for you lined up, someone that won’t cause difficulties between the families and will be even better for you in the long run.

 

Do also keep in mind that there are reasons that your father objected to you going away and marrying this man. If you had argued with him about it, maybe you would be aware of these things, but the moment has passed now so it’s probably best to just let go and accept things as they are, as Allah has willed.

 

For example, as a father, he wants to protect you and if you were to study outside your hometown he would be less able to do this. He would not feel like he is fulfilling his role as a father to protect you. Therefore, his reasons for stopping you could likely have been out of a deep and caring love for you.

 

Furthermore, regarding the proposal, you were aware that it may have caused difficulties between the families and perhaps this is the very reason that he did not keep to go ahead with this.  Discontent between the husband and wives families make for a very doc on tented and unhappy marriage so your father was just trying to protect you from this. Additionally, your parents only want what’s eat for you, they want you to marry the best man who will make you happy.

 

At the same time, however, if you were to marry then they would also fear losing you to some extent too. This is a big fear for parents as it involves letting go and allowing their child to be independent and not rely in them anymore.  It places them in a position where they can no longer protect you as much and in the way that they feel is best for you.

 

From here, you can try and look back with the understanding of the situation from your parents perspective, as well as in terms of Allah’s plan. You can then move forward with this new understanding and confidence in yourself to learn from the past and use it to your advantage in the future.

 

May Allah bring you ease and grant you a righteous spouse when the time is right, who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.