Question #2

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

It is of no surprise that your younger teenage brother has become detached because of this environment. It is not a healthy environment for anyone to live in, especially children and teenagers who are most in need of a loving environment. In fact, it’s not uncommon for such environments to lead the children to turn to delinquency as a means to manage their emotions and therefore becomes very damaging to the family as a whole.

 

Aside from this, your fathers behaviour is entirely unacceptable. Drinking, cheating and not practicing Islam aside, physically abusing your mother is completely unacceptable both morally and Islamically. The difficulty for you is that you should avoid getting involved in matters between you and your parents on the most part. Such issues are for them to resolve and any interference from you could lead to further difficulties so you must approach things with caution. However, it may be argued that since your mother is in danger due to the abuse then you have the right to speak up for her protection.

 

Rather than directly getting involved in their difficulties you could help by being there as a support to your mother. Give her the love and affection she needs and likewise allow her to give you the same.

 

It could also be an option to consult outside help from your local imam so that he can intervene in their situation, rather than you having to do so directly. However, this may come at a risk so consider it carefully. It might get your father upset or even angry that you have shared matters outside. If it is that the situation at home has become one where things are not getting any better and you fear for your mother’s wellbeing, then this may be your only option.

 

This will give them the ideal space to discuss matters and take any necessary actions to end this situation. It may also provide islamic guidance that will push your father back on the straight path of Islam which will naturally change his behaviour.

 

Aside from your concerns for your parents, it’s also important to take of yourself and the same for your brother also. Living in such an environment and dealing with your parents issues on a daily basis will be draining for you too. Make sure you take time for yourself regularly. Be with good people that make you smile and do things you like doing. Encourage your brother to do the same too. Maybe you could even do things together to encourage him to at least reconnect with the world outside of the home. This is very important for your own wellbeing as right now it is likely suffering due to what you are facing.

 

Also, continue to make dua for them both. Let your father see you engaged in acts of worship. It may persuade him back to his Deen again. If he can find this connection this will also change his behaviour as he feels more inclined to behave in ways that are consistent with Islamic values for the sake of pleasing Allah.

 

May Allah make things easy for you as a family and guide your father to a path of righteousness. May He bring happiness and contentment to your family.

 

 

Thursday, Jan. 01, 1970 | 00:00 - 00:00 GMT

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