This question is about my personal life. 9.28

Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,


You were interested in a man for some time but his arrogant family rejected you which made you feel so bad that you entered a state of severe depression. Alhamdulilah, you found you way out and married someone else but unfortunately you are having a hard time developing a love for him due to his limp and that you don’t much like to talk to him. You are contemplating ending the marriage already due to this although your family disagree with this as an option too.


The fir2thing to think about here is if this situation is one that really warrants getting a divorce. If the issue really is only his leg then you should really take some time to think about what is most important in a marriage. Would you rather be with a good man from a respectable family with a physical ailment? Or would you rather be with an able-bodied man who does not have manners and comes from a family that doesn’t respect you. On the surface the latter may seem appealing, but in the lo2term this would cause you much stress. With the former however, you could feel more confident that you will live a com2life and be treated well by your spouse as well as being respected by his extended family.


You have only been married to this man for 3 months so you should at least give him a chance. Don’t let his limp prevent you from spending quality time with him, getting to know him. Whilst you still ha e this other man in your heart this will be preventing you from developing feelings for your husband which may be why you are feeling the way you are towards him and not enjoying talking to him – because you have another man in your heart. If you spend more time with your husband you will in time develop feelings for him and those for the other man will fade. To reach this stage though you must be willing to out the work in and try. Do fun things together that will nurture the love between you, go out for dinner, go somewhere beautiful and enjoy the scenery together, identify your similarities and dwell on them. Create memories to look back in and same at. Find happiness in this marriage by giving it a chance and working on it. When you find happiness there you will no longer feel  like you have to chose between happiness and breaking hearts.


Perhaps you might set a mental time scale. Since you have only been married for 3 months perhaps you will give yourself 6 more months of trying to make it work first before considering the option of a divorce again. It may be that the love blossoms and you no longer feel there is a choice to be made as you are content in your new marriage. If you are still not content after another 6 months then you could assess the situation again in terms of strengths and weaknesses of each of your possible choices.


When trying to make such an important decision the best thing you can do is take it to Allah. Pray istikhara and if this marriage really isn’t meant to be then He will facilitate you moving in and if it is, He will place the love between your hearts that you will find contentment with him and will happily continue the marriage.


May Allah guide you to make the decision that is best for you and your husband as well as being most pleasing to Him.

Thursday, Jan. 01, 1970 | 00:00 - 00:00 GMT

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