frustrated with my urges

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister brother,


It is evidenct that you are facing an intense struggle with your desires right now but, alhamdulilah, you are doing all the right things to try and overcome this and are following all the advice that would be given to someone in your situation.


Since you are doing all the right things to curb your urges but still have the desire the next approach would be to seek marriage as you have, but you also cite difficulties with this too.


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In the immediate moment you must continue with all your acts of ibadah as you are as they are the best means to control yourself for now as guided by Allah. Continue to lower your gaze  pray, fast often, keep busy with constructive things to keep you busy and read your Qur’an regularly. Another thing you might try is to even start up a new hobby, try something new. This may provide you with more of a challenge to keep you more distracted than perhaps a regular hobby that you do does. As well as keeping yourself busy try to be with others as much as possible to avoid being in a space where you may be tempted. Likewise, whilst trying to be with others, try to avoid the places where you would be more likely to see tempting things. Additionally, you could increase your acts of worship as a means to bring you even closer to Him as well as instilling the fear of His punishment in mind at all times.


Aside from this, don’t give up on seeking a spouse. Certainly it is less common for sisters to want to marry a student simply because they are not always in a stable position to start a family yet, however, it is not unheard of. Sisters have the same desires at this age and therefore there are some that will desire to marry even as a student if you can demonstrate piety  – a quality that is superior to stability. Let it still be known that you are still searching and even put the word out to wider means such as your local masjids.


Try also working on your mindset. At present you are feeling like all your doors are closed which may lead you to a sense of hopelessness. If you feel like this you will be more vulnerable to the traps of Shaytan as you will feel that if there is no options for you anymore then there’s no point in trying to maintain your chastity. However, if you start looking at things more positively and embracing this situation as a test from Allah that you know you are strong enough to conquer for His sake then you will press on with a strong heart avoiding sin for His sake whilst you await the opportunity for marriage as soon as possible. Have faith that Allah knows what’s best for you and when and will send that to you at the time is right, but for now your test is to prove to Him that you are worthy of Him by showing your ability to refrain from sin and the most challenging of times. Be confident in His reward for your remembrance of Him in adherening to His commands.


May Allah make things easier for you and grant you a righteous spouse when the time is right who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Thursday, Jan. 01, 1970 | 00:00 - 00:00 GMT

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