Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

It is a shame that what started out well has turned sour. It seems that your husband thinks that some of the haram things he is engaging in are ok. They are not. Porn is haram and so is slapping your spouse and fornication over other women. Unfortunately, your efforts thus far hard have been in the brain and have not made any difference, only resulting in further fights and arguments.

 

If your words are not helping,  then you can try some other tactics. Firstly, you can begin with indirect encouragement. Rather than telling him directly that it’s wrong, which may actually be counterproductive if he sees it as you ‘nagging’, try instead encouraging him on the path of Islam in a way that he will desire to change his behavior by himself. For example, don’t talk to him directly about what he’s doing but encourage him closer to Allah by inviting him to join you in salah, reading Quran together or fasting. This will help him to get closer to Allah gradually. As he gets closet to Allah he will come to feel uncomfortable doing things that he knows to be displeasing to Allah, or even sinful. The added benefit of this approach is that he will make the changes himself without feeling like you are forcing it upon him. Changes made in this way or more likely to produce lasting change as they are done of his own volition.

 

An alternative approach, even one done in conjunction with a more indirect approach from you is to ask for the intervention from others. Again, this could be directly or indirectly. For example, you may ask someone who he respects to talk to him about it and let him know honestly about the dangers of what he is doing. Perhaps if this comes from the local imam or a close family member he will be more receptive to the message and more likely to take heed.

 

However, there is the risk that this will upset things between you and him for talking about it outside. Therefore, you could say it in private to an imam who may include it in his weekly khutbah for example to which your husband can hear the message without it being directed specifically to him.

 

Alternatively, like with the first suggestion, relying upon the positive influence of others, as well as yourself may be helpful. Again, helping him to overcome his problem indirectly by strengthening his relationship with Allah on the point that he will self-direct himself away from haram. You can do this by ensuring he is in good company. Company of those who don’t engage in watching print or fornication, who instead spend their time doing more meaningful things seeking the pleasure of Allah. You can achieve this by inviting good friends with their husbands to your house for dinner for example. Again, this will work in the same way as you encouraging him on the path of Islam, strengthening his relationship with Allah that he will abandon haram without question.

 

May Allah reward your efforts and guide your husband aright.