You Asked, Our Counselor Answered (General Counseling Session)

Salaam `Alaikum dears brothers and sisters,

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Live Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Hannah for answering the questions.

Monday, Oct. 15, 2018 | 12:00 - 13:00 Makkah | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session is over.

Assalam alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu. I'd like to know of the Islamic solution for Schizophrenia. I've tried listening to rukyahs and getting closer to Allah but it never helped. The only thing that helps keep me stable is my meds. Also, I can't see a Muslim healer for this because I'm hiding my conversion to Islam from my parents because they're against Islam.



negzedik - About Islam

Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

Living with an illness like schizophrenia can be very difficult in many ways. In your case, you also have the added difficulty of being unable to seek a solution in the way you hope to due to your parents’ attitude towards Islam. Alhamdulillah, the message is helping to stabilize you, and from an Islamic perspective, this is fine also. If they are working for you, then do please continue with this. Whilst it may be somewhat controversial, there is nothing to say you should not take medication for such illnesses. Likewise, seeking psychological solutions is also a viable option too. Getting a referral to see a psychologist could also be helpful for you too and will allow you so seek treatment that your pants will be opposed to.

 

However, of course as a Muslim, you would like to seek an Islamic solution also, and in sha Allah this will also be beneficial to you. You have tried listening to Ruqyah and getting closer to Allah but have not yet seen any success with this. Regarding the Ruqyah, I would suggest continuing with it. Maybe you don’t feel it working yet, but in sha Allah with time and patience, you will see some improvements.

 

Regarding getting closer to Allah, there are a few things you could try to improve the situation. Firstly, take your time. Work on things one at a time. If you overwhelm yourself with too much it will defeat the purpose of what you are doing. This is especially so when you are also battling any symptoms of schizophrenia also. So, for example, begin by working on getting closer to Allah through salah. Pray your obligatory prayers and then as you get more comfortable add in the Sunnah and nafl prayers. Following this, you might try and increase your connection through the Qur’an. Memorize some short surahs and learn the meanings. This will also help with your prayer as you come to understand what you are reciting. You might also think of signing up to a course to learn more about Islam and the Prophet Muhammad  (SAW). As you learn about the history of Islam you will come to see the beauty of Islam which will strengthen then your relationship with Allah further.  Then as time progresses, you might do things like voluntary fasts. Take these things slowly, one step at a time so that you can appreciate each and every aspect.

 

In the meantime, become acquainted with other sisters so that you can learn together and just be close to those who also follow the same religion as you. If you can’t do this in person, it is easy now to do this in the online space. You may also find fellow revert sisters who have faced the same with their own parents who may have advice on how to deal with them effectively when it comes to disclosing their reversion. They may also be able to direct you to a Muslim healer online so the latest you do not need to discuss such things with your parents until you are ready.

 

May Allah make things easy for you and bring you to cure in your illness.


Can I refuse a marriage proposal after having said yes to it? I said yes earlier because the family seemed good, my whole family liked the proposal so I said yes because I didn't find any reason to say no (I have earlier refused a couple of proposals in the past too.) Later another guy sent a proposal and I liked this other proposal more than the first. But now my parents did not approve because we have already said yes to the first one. Would it be a sin if I say no to the first proposal now after having said yes? I am not attracted to this guy and now I feel i am stuck because wedding dates have been finalized.



harmadik - About Islam

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi I barakatuh sister,

 

Whilst this is an uncomfortable situation to arrive in you have every right to change your mind. Since you are not yet married then you are not obliged to him in any way. You are free to take up and pursue another proposal if it is more favorable.

 

However,  it is understandable how difficult this might be given you have already accepted the first one and wedding plans have already been made. From a practical perspective this will be difficult, but more so to break it to the other family without causing any offense.

 

Do keep in mind all the while however that the person you choose to marry will be your partner for life in sha Allah. If you are not attracted to him and prefer someone else then this may make it difficult to develop relations between the two of you. Keeping I  mind that it is a major decision that will impact heavily in your future should give you the motivation to cancel the first proposal should you so wish.  However, do also remember that life does not always happen at first sight and as you develop feelings for someone they become more attractive, especially if they have a kind heart and are pious in their actions. Whilst this does not make the choice any easier at this point,  especially as it leaves you open to multiple options for such a big decision, it does present the most important things to consider when making this choice.

 

If you choose to decline the existing proposal be sure to be kind in doing so since arrangements have already been made and he may feel like he is not good enough if you marry someone else. However, you also do not need to let this kind of guilt hold you back from going ahead with the pro1you would prefer.

 

In the meantime, be sure to.make istikhara on the matter and ask Allah to guide you to move forward with the decision that is best for you and most pleasing to Him. Whilst doing this, take time to seriously consider your options. You will be with this man for the rest of your life in sha Allah, so ask yourself who you would prefer that with. Most importantly, what is their relationship with Allah like? How pious are they? A pious man will live by Islam and treat you well according to Islamic value.

 

May Allah guide you to make the best decision and grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.


As’salaam wa’alaykum dear brother/sister I am going through a lot of difficulties in my life right now and I am unsure what to do. In hopes of getting closer to Allah (SWT) I started learning Tajweed and the proper ways to read namaaz, but it is really difficult for me to remember the rules of Tajweed and the surahs (the rules in particular). My teacher (May Allah bless him) taught me as well as he can, but the thing is I suffer from dyslexia (I am not trying to make excuses for myself) and often when I can’t remember a surah or I keep making the same mistakes again.

I fall into depression and think that Allah doesn’t love me, it makes me feel abandoned and alone, and I don’t know what to do. I am not questioning the oneness of Allah, I believe in that wholeheartedly, it’s just I don’t often know what I am doing if it is right. Or what I can do to make it better. Also, right now I have canceled my Tajweed lessons because of something that has happened but I am questioning my deen too much, is there anything I can do Because I fear I may be committing Kufar is there anything that I could or should be doing better to stop this from happening. As I am having difficulty even now to understand the deen. I watch videos about Islam on YouTube and often read books but at the end of them I’m filled with more questions than answers and I just get more confused. I am just wondering if there any particular dua I can learn/make to help with this or anything else that can help me stay close to Allah and avoid the path of kuffar.



maasodik - About Islam

Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

 

May Allah reward your struggle to please Him. What you are experiencing is t unusual. We all experience some difficulty or another in perfect ting our Deen. Some may struggle with their eman, some struggle with reading Qur’an and some with maintaining focus in salah. This is normal and is all part of the test. When experiencing these difficulties it’s easy to just feel like giving up. This is also normal. The hard part is to keep going when it feels like things will never get any better.

 

You struggle with dyslexia which is making learning the Qur’an a challenge for you. The good news is the Allah rewards by intention. Your intentions are pure – to learn to read properly, yet you feel like you are making little progress due to your dyslexia.  Remember that just because someone can read perfectly even though they spend less time practicing than you does not make them any better than you or mean that their reward will be greater. In fact, the fact that you have struggled hard to read only 1 line will be rewarded even more. Just because others can’t see your efforts and struggles, doesn’t mean Allah can’t,  because He can! Use this as a motivation to keep pushing. It makes take you longer, but with persistence and prayer, you will get there, in sha Allah.

 

Continue to reach out to Allah, ask Him for help, cry to Him even and keep at it. Look to the struggles of those before us, especially Musa (AS) who succeeded despite a speech impediment. Just because he had a speech impediment, it did not mean that Allah did not love him. Quite the opposite in fact! It is said that Allah tests those He loves most. Your test is your struggle with dyslexia, but the good news is that this doesn’t have to stop you doing everything that you want to, because you can.

 

What you can also try from a practical perspective is to try alternative ways of learning that might make things easier for you. If you are struggling with learning, try writing notes as you are listening to lectures and refer back to them. Perhaps you will even be able to answer them yourself. If you still can’t then you can always ask someone of knowledge to help you out. As someone with dyslexia, perhaps you may even prefer to record your notes rather than write them down. Use the recorder function on your phone to do this. Perhaps pause the video every 5-10 minutes and record a voice summary. Another option may be to draw diagrams so you don’t have to rely too heavily on writing lots of words. This is a good technique for visual learners.

 

Regarding having multiple questions, try writing them down as they come to mind first. You may find that you answer them all by yourself as you listen to more lectures. It is ok to have questions. If you don’t have questions it’s difficult to fully understand everything. If you don’t ask, you won’t come to know the answer always. However, your fear of kafir is understandable as asking too many questions can be seen like this. To overcome this, you begin by writing them down as suggested, then when you go back to them, ask yourself if it is really important for you to know the answer and if it will benefit you. If not, then simply erase it and leave it without questioning anymore.


I want to know I am really desperate this is my second marriage my husband was really good in the first few months, then he started dating, watching online porn and other stuff. He is always angry. A few time he has hit me. I am really tired as we argue every night.



elso - About Islam

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

It is a shame that what started out well has turned sour. It seems that your husband thinks that some of the haram things he is engaging in are ok. They are not. Porn is haram and so is slapping your spouse and fornication over other women. Unfortunately, your efforts thus far hard have been in the brain and have not made any difference, only resulting in further fights and arguments.

 

If your words are not helping,  then you can try some other tactics. Firstly, you can begin with indirect encouragement. Rather than telling him directly that it’s wrong, which may actually be counterproductive if he sees it as you ‘nagging’, try instead encouraging him on the path of Islam in a way that he will desire to change his behavior by himself. For example, don’t talk to him directly about what he’s doing but encourage him closer to Allah by inviting him to join you in salah, reading Quran together or fasting. This will help him to get closer to Allah gradually. As he gets closet to Allah he will come to feel uncomfortable doing things that he knows to be displeasing to Allah, or even sinful. The added benefit of this approach is that he will make the changes himself without feeling like you are forcing it upon him. Changes made in this way or more likely to produce lasting change as they are done of his own volition.

 

An alternative approach, even one done in conjunction with a more indirect approach from you is to ask for the intervention from others. Again, this could be directly or indirectly. For example, you may ask someone who he respects to talk to him about it and let him know honestly about the dangers of what he is doing. Perhaps if this comes from the local imam or a close family member he will be more receptive to the message and more likely to take heed.

 

However, there is the risk that this will upset things between you and him for talking about it outside. Therefore, you could say it in private to an imam who may include it in his weekly khutbah for example to which your husband can hear the message without it being directed specifically to him.

 

Alternatively, like with the first suggestion, relying upon the positive influence of others, as well as yourself may be helpful. Again, helping him to overcome his problem indirectly by strengthening his relationship with Allah on the point that he will self-direct himself away from haram. You can do this by ensuring he is in good company. Company of those who don’t engage in watching print or fornication, who instead spend their time doing more meaningful things seeking the pleasure of Allah. You can achieve this by inviting good friends with their husbands to your house for dinner for example. Again, this will work in the same way as you encouraging him on the path of Islam, strengthening his relationship with Allah that he will abandon haram without question.

 

May Allah reward your efforts and guide your husband aright.