Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

It is understandable why you are feeling this way after having developed feelings for this man for such long time. The unfortunate thing in this scenario is that since you weren’t married, any relations with him were haram during this time. Given that you are not married he is also under no obligation to stick by your side and is free to be with this other woman.

 

You can use this scenario, both with yourself and with this other woman as a warning that perhaps he is not the best choice of spouse as he was happy to have relations with you, regardless of whether it was physical love outside of marriage when he should have been respecting your need to be with a mahram when any interactions took place between you.

 

This is something that Allah has made clear to us for our own protection. You have now seen first hand why Allah has made this ruling so; because feelings can easily develop between a man and woman if they seek a relationship outside of marriage. He has however allowed us to have close relationships with our spouses which is why marriage is an important protection from such scenarios occurring so that we can have both physical and emotional needs met in a way that is also pleasing to Allah.

 

However, this does not take away the way you are feeling now and you cannot take back what has happened between you. You can, however, learn from the situation to ensure that the same does not occur again. Hopefully, after this experience you will now realise the importance of having a mahram present and seeking marriage soon in order to meet the needs of both partners and allow love to develop in a halal way.

 

The first step at this point is to make istighfar. Seek Allah’s forgiveness for having haram relations with this man and surely Allah loves to forgive and will guide you forward in your current scenario. If it is that you still desire to move forward with a marriage to this man then ensure to do so in the most appropriate way, so perhaps have your family approach him with a proposal so that you can make the relationship halal.

 

However, you must also understand that having developed such feelings outside of marriage can also have a negative impact on a potential marriage to this person, especially when it comes to issues of trust. Trust is a vital component of a marital relationship and therefore might make things difficult even before you actually get married, so please do think very hard about pursuing this option.

 

Don’t lose hope in finding another man if things don’t work out with this man, just have faith that Allah has something much better for you and continue to pray that He will send that person to you when the time is right.

 

If you choose to move on then perhaps give yourself a bit of time to overcome the way you are feeling before reaching out for potential proposals. Make sure to get loved ones involved to assist you in the process and initiating any meeting and helping you to find the most suitable partner. You can also be sure that if you meet in this way that the man is perhaps more likely to be a righteous man who wants to approach marriage in the way ordained by Allah that does not involve any meetings alone before marriage.

 

This will also give you the chance to get to know him a bit and decide if he is a good man and the right man for you. Before going ahead with this you do need to give yourself enough time to make sure any emotions you had towards the previous man have passed enough that you view of any other potential suitor will be clouded. This is why it is also important to involve other loved ones to get a better idea of such men based on what they know of you.

 

Overall, it is possible that you could marry this man, but if you do, please make sure that you understand how past relations with him could impact on the marriage and make sure to approach it in the most appropriate way. Otherwise, give yourself time to move on and seek marriage elsewhere.

 

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes and bring you happiness in this life and the next.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.