Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

As attached as you feel to this guy, as you are now aware it is a relationship that is not permissable in Islam. Therefore, it is absolutely important for the sake of Allah that you put an end to this relationship right away. However, where you go from here is the thing you need to think carefully about. Do you put a complete end to it and walk away from it for good, or do simply cut ties until you are ready to get married and make your relationship one that is permissible in Islam.

Take time to really think about the consequences of these different options and which would be most pleasing to you, and most importantly most pleasing to Allah.

On the one hand, if you make a complete break from the relationship, you will be free from the association with the sins that have been committed and it will be easier to learn your lesson and move on successfully, in sha Allah without the possibility of things getting messy due to the manner in which the relationship began. However, this will be emotionally difficult, especially to begin with, to part from someone who you have developed such strong emotions for.

Alternatively, you can seek to make this relationship halal by getting married. This will enable you to nurture the love that you have built so far, but comes at the risk of things potentially getting messy due to starting the relationship in the wrong way. If you choose this option, make sure to go about it in the correct way. Let your family know that you wish to marry and arrange a meeting with his family. This way you can get a second opinion from your family also. As you have developed feelings for him already, you will be blind to any things that may be less favorable, whereas your family will be able to assess him through neutral eyes in your own best interests. If they approve, then you should go ahead with the nikkah as soon as possible to avoid the potential to fall into any haram.

Whichever choice you make, make sure to turn to Allah in sincere repentance. Be humbled before Him, in the knowledge that He loves to forgive and will guide you aright.

May Allah forgive you and grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.