About 2 years ago I became Muslim, but my family doesn't know and all my prayers and fasting must be in secret, they are very religious Christian people and say bad of Islam, my parents pay my studies and I live with them. But I am obligated to go to the church and it hurts my faith, I don't feel well in a place where my faith doesn't match with it anymore.I really don't know how to tell them, I've talked once with them asked if what would happen if leave the church and their answer was VERY aggressive and intolerant.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
Masha Allah, tabarakAllah, may Allah reward your struggles to please Him. The difficulties that you are facing are those that many a revert face. Becoming a Muslim comes with countless blessings, but it also comes with its challenges too. As well as embracing a new lifestyle, it requires our loved ones to accept it too. In an ideal world, they would accept it with open arms, but this is seldom the case. From the response you received from your parents already it would seem that you would be amongst the latter, although nothing is impossible with Allah’s guidance, so do be sure to continue to pray for this in the knowledge that He guides who He wills.
Of course you have the option to continue to keep it from them and continue as you are to keep the peace, but this comes at a heavy cost to your Deen and your wellbeing. However, if you tell them you will be free of keeping secrets and will be able to practice more openly, however, this may come at a cost with relation to your relationship with them and this will possibly have implications for you position in the house and your education.
If and when you are ready to tell them, there are a few steps you can take to make the process as easy as possible for everyone.
They are your parents and it is important that you respect them and even obey them in all matters except when they encourage or even force you to do something against Islam. You must still be respectful in your refusals, but deny anything against Islam none the less. You haven’t yet told them, but it is clear from their response to you question that they would not be happy and therefore you should prepare for this. Is there anyone in you family who would support you as a Muslim? Or a family friend? Someone who you could tell first and have them present with you if you tell them? This way the experience would be more comfortable for you as well as showing your parents that you have support from someone in the family. Would this person be willing to continue to support you should they react less favorably? Do be aware as well that whilst they may react less favorably at first, you are their child and in time, in sha Allah their hearts would soften to your choices as they become more welcoming to you again. Also, make sure to link in with the local Muslim community who will be able to provide you with ongoing support. There are also many organizations that provide support to revert sisters who can support and advise in this situation. Likewise regarding other sisters who have faced the same dilemma.
You could even invite a Muslim friend over some time to challenge their beliefs about Islam and see that Muslims are good respectful people. This may be an approach you rake in the lead up to telling them. This may make it less of a shock to them as they may come to suspect ir, but will be less fearful and angry towards Muslims as they will have encountered good examples of them.
If you choose to tell them, be gentle in your approach. They may be left feeling like they’ve failed as you have chosen not to follow what they believe to be the truth and this will be painful for them. Let them know that you still love them just the same. In sha Allah even if they are angry about it in time they will come to view Islam in a new light as they see the benefits it has brought to their daughter. This is a process that will take time. It could take years even, but with patience and prayers they will at least come to accept it at the very least even if they’re hearts don’t soften to Islam.
May Allah guide 5at this difficult time and may He make your journey in Islam full of blessings and happiness in this life and the next.