Seeking Whys and Ways
Apart from coping with the enormous pressure to have children, couples facing infertility must also come to terms with the perennial “why”.
There are some who believe infertility is the will of God and leave all to Him to decide. Others take matters into their own hands and seek treatments that are within Shari’ah law.
Artificial insemination and in-vitro fertilization (IVF) are viable options, the latter being more expensive and an increasingly common choice in the Muslim community, while surrogacy and sperm donations are prohibited.
Personal Histories
I spoke with a 35-year-old South Asian woman about her PCOS journey through a successful IVF treatment.
She ignored the early symptoms of PCOS: excessive hair growth, dramatic weight gain, and irregular periods.
She attributed each sign to something else in her life. The sister did not imagine that together, these anomalies would paint a picture of PCOS.
It was not until she was 25, four years after marriage, and several different gynecologists later, that she received the diagnosis of PCOS.
The pieces of the puzzle came together. Within that four-year span, she and her husband had tried artificial insemination twice and IVF three times.
Desperate to conceive, the couple purchased countless ovulation kits; hundreds of nights were spent tossing and turning and weeping; and they even made a pilgrimage to Makkah.
Finally, the third time was the charm. The baby conceived was actually a frozen embryo from a previous fertilization. This journey had a happy ending, but others are not as fortunate.
A 40-year-old South Asian woman suffering from endometriosis for nearly a decade endured close to a dozen surgeries to remedy the problem, all the while taking pain medication that led to excessive weight gain.
She eventually gave up trying to conceive, but says that while her journey has come to an end, the sense of pain and the question of “Why me?” remain.
Stress! Even From the Beloved Ones!
In the end, it is the cultural stigma of being childless, whatever the reason, that we need to address.
Women dealing with infertility often endure questions like, “Do you have children?” The person asking means no harm but leaves the woman embarrassed and grasping for an answer.
There are tens of thousands of Muslim couples struggling with infertility in the United States, and our culture must move beyond the ‘scarlet letter’ stigma attached to couples who are childless.
What we do require is a better understanding of the complexities that arise from infertility, such as the ovulation kits, IVF treatments, ovarian surgeries, and most importantly, the frustration and the tears.
From the archives.
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