I am a young woman who is spiritually confused. I converted to Islam in 2017, which was a bit of a rushed decision encouraged by women at the local mosques. I was not ready for that. I never learned to pray or generally to practice religion. Moreover, I could not make myself believe in God.
I felt really angry and disappointed with myself because of that. After 2 years, I made the decision to stop calling myself a Muslim, simply because the frustration was counter-productive for me. If asked about my religion now, I would call myself a "person who likes Islam, but failed at being a Muslim".
Now that the Ramadan has come, I started behaving terribly towards my Muslim friends and acquaintances. I have been calling them bigots and worse words, mocking their beliefs, telling them that they are starving themselves for a non-existent God, etc. I do not know why I am doing it. Some people have stopped talking to me because of that and I fully understand them.
I fasted secretly for 2 days hoping that maybe it would wake up my faith, but it did not. I have made peace with the fact that God did not give me the faith and that I can' be a Muslim myself, but I hate myself for becoming so aggressive and offending people.
What do you think is the reason of that and how can I control it? Thanks in advance for your help.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•Your mind’s way of seeking food for your soul is expressing anger and unhappiness.
•If God had not given you the faith, you would not have fasted. You would not sought help from an Islamic website.
•Find peace by making peace with your friends. Let your feelings come clean and communicate how you truly feel.
•Try to distract your mind from such thoughts by doing something positive.
•Go to a mosque and watch people pray Taraweeh.
Assalamu Alaikum dear sister,
No person who believes in Allah with all their heart, not even the Messengers, were ever “certified” as perfect Muslims during their lives. The person who claims to be perfect is in fact the one who is full of mistakes.
There is no such thing as a perfect Muslim. Perfection is not a destination; it is a journey. Dear sister, your life should be spent seeking perfection.
Your soul is hungry
How do you feel when you are hungry? Most of the time, people who are hungry are grumpy, their stomachs are making noises, and they are not generally happy people.
Dear sister, your soul is hungry. Your mind’s way of seeking food for your soul is expressing anger and unhappiness.
You need to get your soul satisfied. This happens when your mind is seeking something, and it is not getting.
When you say bad things to a Muslim, you are not at peace. You do not feel happy. If this were the case, you would have never sought advice.
You would have been satisfied and at peace. But you are not.
Dear sister, your anger and your frustration are not signs of a “failed” Muslim, but rather signs of a sincere and honest Muslim seeking guidance.
Think about the example of hunger once more. When you are hungry, will your hunger be sufficed if you drink water? Or if you sleep? In fact, you cannot even sleep.
Would you be happy if someone constantly told you to do anything other than eating a good meal? No. You would be constantly unhappy.
It is the same case for your soul and mind. You have converted to Islam given Allah’s will. Allah SWT wanted you to know about Him.
He wanted you to be one of those who will worship Him, please Him, and not seek true happiness in the worldly pleasures, but rather with Him.
Dear sister, when you read the Quran from start to end, you will never ever find a verse, which states, “Those who are perfect will enter paradise”.
The Quran is full of verses that say,
“Those who sin and seek forgiveness will enter Paradise.”
This the reality of life. Allah SWT knows that there is imperfection within us.
Which is in all His Mercy, He constantly reminds us in His book that as long as we seek forgiveness, He will be there to forgive us.
Fasting is from Allah for Allah
If God had not given you the faith, you would not have fasted. It is as simple as that.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah said: ‘Every deed of the son of Adam is for him except fasting; it is for Me and I shall reward for it…’” (Bukhari)
Dear sister, fasting is the hardest form of worship.
This is because we are told to exempt ourselves from what is Halal and devote ourselves to worshipping Allah.
When we are fasting, we are naturally grumpy, we are not feeling the best, and we are not as active.
This usually takes a toll on productivity and many other things we would do when we are not fasting.
However, all these sacrifices are for the sake of Allah.
If Allah does not will, no one can fast. Only those whom Allah want to fast can do so. However, this does not mean that those who are not fasting are sinning or Allah does not like them. Nor does this mean that Allah dearly loves all those who fast.
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Like I said before, no one knows for certain when Allah SWT is happy with us. All we know are the actions Allah SWT likes.
As people who constantly sin and make mistakes, we must strive to do what Allah SWT likes in hopes to seek His Mercy for this world and the next.
Negativity stems from the Devil
Dear sister, everyone has thoughts that are not always positive. A human being has an average of 60 000 thoughts per day.
It is impossible that all of them will be positive. Some are negative. Actually, many are.
Evil whispers during prayer and at other times come from the Shaytan, whose purpose is to misguide the Muslim, deprive him of good, and keep it far away from him.
One of the Sahabah complained to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) about waswas during prayer, and he said: “The Shaytan comes between me and my prayers and my recitation, confusing me therein.” The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “That is a devil called Khanzab. If he affects you, seek refuge in Allah from him and spit drily to your left three times.” He (the Sahabi) said, I did that, and Allah took him away from me. (Muslim)
In addition, Allah SWT says in the Quran,
“And if there comes to you from Satan an evil suggestion, then seek refuge in Allah. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Knowing.” (Fussilat 41:36)
Dear sister, this is proof that Allah SWT knows what is going in our minds, and it is, therefore, our job to seek refuge when such thoughts occupy our minds.
This is what the true reason behind your unhappy behavior.
Therefore, I suggest that you do the following in order to seek peace and control negativity.
Find peace
Acknowledge every single time you had trouble in life and remember how you overcame it.
This will make you see that If God had not helped you, you would not have been lifted from the problem.
Make peace with your friends. Go to one of your friends who you trust the most and explain how you feel. Let your feelings come clean and communicate how you truly feel.
Dear sister, you would have never sought advice on an Islamic website if you were truly not respectful of your friends or Allah/God.
Try to distract your mind from such thoughts by doing something positive. Donate your time or money in a good cause.
Go to a mosque and watch people pray Taraweeh. Simply sit and listen to the beauty of the Quran and avoid any negative people or negativity from those around you.
Dear sister, I hope my answer helps you find peace.
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