My Brother Harmed Me; I Want to Cut Ties

16 September, 2021
Q Assalaamalikum.

I have read a hadeeth that one is not allowed to forsake his brother for more than 3 days. The one who dies in that condition will surely go to hell.

Now I'm really terrified because I had a severe argument with my elder brother because he wanted to snatch unlawfully some property that rightfully belonged to me. He used all sort of heinous and shameful tactics against me (including slandering) and it was only natural for me to break ties of kinship.

It is highly probable that things will NEVER be normal ever again. Will I go to hell now? Please help me. You'll really save me from a lot of depression.

It is almost impractical that I should start to have things completely normal back again. Not only that, if things become normal, there is a great chance that my brother's son (who is a lawyer) can cause a substantial harm to my sons and their reputation (who are but innocent young students all under 20 years of age who are not well versed with the treachery out there in this world).

He has actually given me such threats. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to go to hell. Please tell me a way out. May Allah SWT bless you and help you and guide you always.

By breaking ties of kinship, I mean that I won't talk to them anymore and won't attend any wedding associated with them nor invite them to the weddings related to my family. However, in case my brother gets really sick or something then of course I will visit him.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

Brother, this is indeed a sensitive issue so I suggest that you also seek guidance in this regard from an Aalim (religious scholar).

Allah is Merciful and Compassionate. He loves to forgive His Creation and loves those among His Creation who forgive others.

Seek guidance from Allah.

Walaikum Assalam Brother,

Thank you for your question.

Suppport AboutIslam.net

In your post, you have mentioned that you are facing a lot of distress because you are not on talking terms with your elder brother, who tried to take away property that was legally yours. In your post, you have referred to a hadith that people who break ties will go to Hell. 

Brother, this is indeed a sensitive issue so I suggest that you also seek guidance in this regard from an Aalim (religious scholar). However, I will try to respond the question to the best of my knowledge, Insha’Allah. (Wallahu A’alam)

A True Muslim is One from Whose Tongue and Deeds Others are Safe

According to Hadith,

Abdullāh ibn ‘Amr and Jābir ibn ‘Abdullāh (may Allah be pleased with both of them) reported that the Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “The true Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe, and the Muhājir (emigrant) is the one who abandons what Allah has forbidden.” Abu Mūsa (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that he said: “O Messenger of Allah, who is the best among Muslims?” He said: “The one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.” [Al Bukhari, Muslim]

Brother, a true Muslim takes care that they do not hurt others from their words or deeds. Hence, if someone is causing you harm, you have a complete right to protect yourself and your children from the harm, by secluding yourself from them.

My Brother Harmed Me; I Want to Cut Ties - About Islam

Allah SWT is Very Just (Al – Ad’l)

Allah knows and sees everything. Allah SWT know exactly what is in every heart, and He is never unjust to His creation. 

One of the ninety-nine names of Allah SWT is “Al-Ad’l” which means ‘The Just’.  He always judges justly and never oppresses anyone who has not transgressed the limits prescribed by Him.

In the Quran, Allah SWT says,

“It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein.” [50:16]

In another place in the Quran, Allah SWT says,

“That Day mankind will proceed in scattered groups that they may be shown their deeds. So, whoever does good equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it. And whoever does evil equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it.” [99:6-8]

Therefore, if you are only protecting yourself and your family from harm, by not talking to your brother, you will not be liable for breaking the ties – because it is not you but rather him who initiated the evil. (Wallahu A’lam)

Allah Loves to Forgive and Loves Those Who Forgive

Brother, Allah is Merciful and Compassionate. He loves to forgive His Creation and loves those among His Creation who forgive others. If you feel, you can extend a hand of friendship towards him.

Tell him that you are ready to forgive old differences for the sake of Allah SWT and ask him if he can do the same for you and your family.

Even if you don’t want to be very close with him, that is okay. However, simply being on talking terms and meeting or greeting your brother once in a while may lift the burden off your chest. 

The complete hadith that you seem to have quoted is as follows,

The prophet (SallaAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “It is not permissible for a Muslim to boycott his brother for more than three days, they meet and each one of them turns away from the other. The best of them is the one who starts the salam (greeting)” [Bukhari, Muslim].

So, in this instance, if you make a step towards truce – you will be held in extremely good regard in the eyes of Allah SWT.

However, if you feel that there is still mocking and ill feelings towards you and your family, from you brother, at least you can have a clear heart that you tried to repair the relationship from your end.

Life in this World Is a Test

Brother, life in this world is a Test by Allah SWT. He tests each of His Believers in various ways. He tests some of us with our relations, some with health, some with wealth and so on. In the Quran, Allah SWT says,

“And we will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and life and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient. Those who when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.” [2:155-156]

In another place He says,

“And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allah knows all that before putting them to test).” [29:3] 

Ask for Help And Guidance From Allah SWT

Last but not the least, ask Allah SWT to help and guidance. It will ease your distress and pain.

Supplicate to Allah SWT to make your brother’s heart soft towards you and your family and vice versa. Life in this world in very short. And having a clear heart is one of the Greatest Blessings of Allah SWT.

I pray that He shows you what is best for you in this world and in the Hereafter.

Ameen. 

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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