After taking my Shahada two years ago, I had a bad shirk and Kufr waswas. I was also feeling like a hypocrite decided to go to counseling. Then I remember coming across an reel about Islam and science and my heart was not feeling Islam on an emotional level and I felt my heart remain spiritually hardened, and I lack remorse for sins, which plagued me to the point of going on Google AI and ask “Can a heart become so spiritually hard that it reaches a point of no return” or if it would become hardened beyond repair. I noticed I lacked remorse for sins and I ended up sleeping past Fajr despite intending to get up for it. Then in Ramadan I went to another Muslim counselor, who has helped Alhamdullilah, and he recommended ChatGBT where I would ask questions and vent about what was going on.
I was worried that my heart was “increasing in disbelief” like in Surah 4:137, even though I wish I still believed and was troubled by this. Then for nearly a month, I tried working on overcoming shortcomings and only eating halal, making the Prophet’s dua for firmness, calling on Al Hadi, Ya Jabbar, Ya Fatah, etc. to guide, open and restore my iman and spiritual conviction, and I still felt my heart drifting away. I still asked ChatGBT and Google AI about my case and it pointed more towards Spiritual numbness and burnout, but I get doubts about Islam as if nothing seems to land or remove the doubt.
Deep down, I know its the truth and its where Allah has guided me; but I feel less convinced and certain like I used to. I feel like I lost my iman against my will as I've tried to turn back, and maybe Allah doesn't wanna guide me anymore and is letting me drift further away.
After a couple years of fighting to keep my heart soft and Iman intact, I’ve become spiritually indifferent. I don’t want to leave Islam or be a munafiq, I just wanna be a believer again and truly love and fear Allah like I used to. Is this pointing towards spiritual burnout or a loss of faith, and what should I do at this point? Is there even any hope for me or am I sealed off?
Answer
- It is not expected that every time you think about Islam you will feel emotionally involved. But maybe too much expectations of what you “should” feel plays a role in your indifference.
- It would also be really good if you would connect with real human beings when you would like to vent, instead of talking to ChatGPT about your life. Spending too much time with AI machines can also make you feel much worse, lonelier, and more alienated.
Assalamu alaikum,
Thank you for your question.
As I understand it, you became Muslim two years ago, and nowadays you feel that you have lost your conviction in Islam. You feel that you are getting worse, and you are trying to become indifferent to Islamic matters. You also tried counseling last year, and you say that last year you remember coming across a reel about Islam and science. You read it, and you said that your heart was not feeling it on an emotional level and that your heart remained spiritually hardened. You also used AI to find answers. You also went to a Muslim counselor.
You don’t want to leave Islam; but wonder whether you are facing spiritual burnout or a loss of faith.
I am sorry for the experience, and I want to tell you first of all, that of course, there is hope for you.
Novelty excitement
I am not sure, but maybe when you became Muslim, it was probably the consequence of a prior journey when you were looking for meaning and purpose, and maybe you found Islam as the answer to those questions. Of course, that is a spiritually exciting and uplifting moment in a person’s life. This conversion and the new spiritual path come with a high and with elevated moments, spiritually speaking.
But of course, as you keep practicing, as life goes on, and as you slowly integrate Islam into your daily life and your identity as a Muslim, these peaks will naturally decline, and that is absolutely normal. With time, being Muslim simply becomes something normal. Life goes on, and we simply cannot be spiritually high all the time.
When you say that you read personal experiences or Islamic reminders and so forth, but you just don’t feel anything, and sometimes you feel that your heart is not responding on an Islamic or emotional level, I want to tell you something else, brother. I am not sure, but if you are consuming Islamic content on social media, you have to understand that this is very different from living a spiritual life in reality and in practice.
On social media, when you see these kinds of reminders, they can give you a dopamine high and make you feel emotional, but that doesn’t necessarily equal to practicing your religion or living your faith.
It is not expected that every time you think about Islam you will feel emotionally involved. We don’t live like that. We have our lives, we practice our faith, connect through prayer, we try to do good, to help others, read the Qur’an, and we try to lead an ethical life. Basically, that’s all.
I am not sure, but maybe too much expectations of what you “should” feel plays a role in this. Or too much Islamic content consumption, and using these tips like quick-fixes, and overfocus on your responses on them.
Regarding the burnout, if you feel that it extends to other areas of your life, try to see what the reason behind it may be and address it accordingly.
Because it could also be a general emotional burnout. Using social media for a prolonged time, for example, can have this effect because of the dopamine ups and downs that create feelings of burnout and indifference. Especially if you do not balance it with real life experiences.
You have not talked about whether you have any support or community around you or not. But it would also be really good if you would connect with real human beings when you would like to vent, instead of talking to ChatGPT about your life. I disagree with the counselor who told you to use it when you have questions, or would like to vent. It is a tool, but it should not replace human relationships in your life.
Try to build real connections in your life instead of talking to bots, because even if you feel validated by them and you can vent to them, they are not real human beings. They have no heart, and they have no soul. If you are spending too much time with AI machines, that can also make you feel much worse, lonelier, and more alienated.
With this being said, try not to worry about this, as probably what you experience is a normal faith fluctuation.
Instead, focus on living your life as fully as possible. Connect through prayer, reading, daily worship, through doing good, and make sure that you spend time with others, with activities and hobbies that make you feel good.
I hope this helps,