I have been deceived by my parents several times. For example, my father converted my message into a troll and sent it to my aunty, alleging that I wrote those messages to him.
My mother uses Islam as a weapon to abuse me in all forms; cursing me, alleging me, and branding me a liar whenever I reveal her ill-doings.
My younger brother also abuses me, all three bring back my past to humiliate me. When I could not bear their deception, I started banging things.
They start abusing me, threatening to send me to the police, and worse. Thus, I left the house and went far away. I always scream at Allah by name for giving me such an evil family.
I believe Allah wants me to be a criminal so that he can easily put me to hell. He wants to ruin my life! He is always there for parents, but not for children.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
In addition to keeping safe, getting counseling, or seeking out Crisis Intervention, I asked you to please pray.
I understand your anger, but Allah did not create this situation, your family did.
Insha’Allah start going to a Masjid.
Ask if they have supportive services, sister groups, or other resources for stability and protection.
Promise to love yourself, to keep safe, and to make healthy decisions.
As salamu alaykum sister,
I am really sorry to hear about all the abuse you were going through at home. Sadly, this is a common source of pain and trauma for many children, and also a reason why many children run away from home. Thank you for trusting us with your situation sister. We will do our best to offer you some possible solutions.
Abusive Family
You stated you left home and went far away due to being abused and deceived by your parents and younger brother. You gave examples of the abuse, and I can imagine it has hurt you very much.
Sadly, we cannot choose how our family or others treat us. However, we can choose how we react.
I am not sure of the dynamics of your family completely, however, I am wondering if you tried resolving the situation before you left.
I know this is extremely hard when you are suffering and hurt, but this would have included informing someone whom you trust about the situation at home. They can help intervene.
Counseling would also be an option. Family intervention from an outside organization either Islamic or not may have helped prevent the situation from continuing.
Sister, I am not sure if you have tried any of these resolutions. At the present moment, you are not in the home, so we will address your current situation in regards to your pain, sadness, and loss of trust in Allah.
Safety
You did not state your age, therefore, I cannot address such things as getting a job, finding an apartment, and so forth. All I can do is to ask that insha’Allah, to please take care of yourself and be safe.
Seek out community organizations that can assist you and help keep you safe. Choose wisely and don’t let others out in the world abuse or use you.
Love Yourself-End the Abuse
Insha’Allah, wherever you are, please do not fall into bad situations, behaviors, or a lifestyle that could hurt you. By doing so, you are only continuing the abuse that your parents started. You are better and stronger than that.
You deserve to heal, to be happy, to be successful, and to grow into the beautiful young woman that Allah intended you to be. Do not let your parents’ abuse cause you to abuse yourself. Love yourself enough to treat yourself with honor, dignity, and kindness.
Do not become your parents! Insha’Allah, get counseling or reach out to a crisis intervention service to get help.
It sounds like you are very hurt, depressed, and angry for a good reason. This is not a healthy state of mind. No one should be treated in this manner, especially by family.
Though you are no longer there, naturally the pain continues. It doesn’t have to though sister, you have the option to turn all of this around, heal, and have a beautiful life.
Sadly, many children/teens/adults have been abused, so you are not alone. However, with help, you can get through the trauma and pain. You will too, I have faith in you that you will. Please have that same faith and love for yourself to survive this.
Allah Did not Create You to be Abused
Sister, I want you to remember always that Allah created you as a beautiful human being, and He loves you.
He did not create you to be abused or hurt. Those are the sins of your parents and family. Those are the sins they have chosen.
Allah did not tell them to do this, nor did Allah create you as a beautiful child to be harmed or abused. That is a sin and your parents and your brother will be accountable to Allah for how they have treated you. Your responsibility is to remain faithful to “self”, to care for “self” and to love yourself.
By beginning to love yourself, you will in turn be able to feel Allah’s love and mercy for you. One cannot feel the love of Allah or others if self-love is absent.
Emotions, Pain, and Allah
My dear sister, I understand you are upset, and rightfully so. You may even feel betrayed. I imagine all of the years this has been going on you are traumatized and not really sure what to do or even how to feel.
You stated you are angry and that you feel that Allah wants you to be a criminal so He can put you in hell. Sister, this is not true. This is a reflection of the pain and abuse you have gone through from your family, not from Allah.
Allah loves you and wants you to have the best things in life. However, in this life, we have choices. Allah did not create us as robots. He gave us free will to do what is right or to do what is wrong. Insha’Allah you will choose love and healing…
Reflections
Your parents are doing what is wrong and that is not a reflection on Allah but it is a reflection on them. I kindly ask you, sister, to put the blame, hurt, pain, and anger where it belongs – that is with the people who are abusive towards you, your parents.
I ask you to kindly remember dear sister that when Allah created your parents, He did not create them to be evil, mean, or abusive. They chose to be that way.
It makes Allah sad when parents are abusive. More importantly, it also makes Allah angry because parents are commanded to be kind to their children and merciful. The Prophet (PBUH) said:
“Love your children, and be kind and merciful to them. Fulfill your promises made to them since children consider their father to be the one who provides for their sustenance.” (Makarim al-Akhlaq, p.219.)
Please Seek Allah
I ask in sha’Allah that you please seek Allah for blessings and protection. It is said in a well-known hadeeth that when one takes a few steps towards Allah He takes 100 running towards us. How profound is that? What you have been through is not your fault nor Allah’s. Draw close to Allah, and He will bless you immensely.
Possible Outcomes
Sister, I do want to emphasize guarding your safety and seeking help to resolve the situation. The resolution may be that if you are old enough and able, you are going to be on your own, have a job and an apartment.
If you are still a child, however, you may need to either stay with a family member who treats you with respect and love or seek out a mediator to help you through the process of resolving the issues within your family.
Conclusion
In addition to keeping safe, getting counseling, or seeking out Crisis Intervention, I asked you to please pray.
I understand your anger, but Allah did not create this situation, your family did.
Insha’Allah start going to a Masjid.
Ask if they have supportive services, sister groups, or other resources for stability and protection.
Seek out a sister whom you can trust and feel close to, who can be your mentor, your best friend, and someone who will be supportive of you during these difficult times.
Promise to love yourself, to keep safe, and to make healthy decisions.
You are in my prayers. Please reach out to us again to let us know how you are.
Salam,
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