The only peace I find is in my salah about any problem that I face. But my parents, especially my mother, insult me by saying that I don’t have a job and that praying is the only thing I do correctly. She has told me on multiple occasions that praying won’t solve my problem, and I will never get anywhere with just praying. She even used insulting language in my salah.
All of us are born Muslims. My parents never pray any salah except during Tamadan. They never taught me anything about Islam and always taught me and my sister that school, education, and getting a job are more important than wasting time on religion.
Only this year, after having serious mental health issues, did I discover the beauty of Islam. I love my parents, and I pray for my parents.
But their words always hurt me. How can I deal with my parents without insulting and hurting them? I don’t want to be someone who disrespects their parents in front of Allah.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- You need to understand that, as much as it is important for us to respect and obey our parents just as the Qur’an has instructed us to do, we are not to obey them when they say we should do something against the principles of Islam.
- You don’t have to beat yourself to it if you cannot get a job outside, working from home is always another alternative for you as a woman.
- Continue to pray for your parents and hope that Allah will one day turn their hearts to you.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
There is nothing like having the support of parents in difficult situations. Unfortunately, it seems that your parents are not totally supporting you in a helpful way at a time when you are having difficulty.
You are clearly aware of our obligation to obey and respect our parents, Alhmadulillah! However, there is a clause in this when it comes to religious matters. We are not to obey them when they say we should do something against the principles of Islam.
Alhmadulillah, it seems that it is not that they are telling you not to pray, which you would be obliged to ignore if this were the case, but that they are instead reducing the value of prayer. As someone who is finding so much peace in prayer during this distressing time, this cannot be easy or comfortable for you to hear, especially from your parents of all people.
Never Cease to Pray
Just because they fail to see the high value of prayer, it doesn’t mean you should stop. However, I understand that perhaps it might start taking away the value and peace that you get from your own prayer, which would be a big shame. Given that they are not forcing or even telling you to stop, the best you can do is to continue praying without getting into any confrontation with them about it.
You get on with your life with prayer, fully integrated, without the conflict. Let them observe the peace you get from prayer, and inshaAllah, maybe this will be a motivation for them to join you so that they can also experience the same peace as you, especially during times of trial. Be a role model for them. Let them see that it is not ‘a waste of time’ as they currently feel.
Get Other Suitable Jobs
You are not obliged to work, and if you feel uncomfortable doing so or can’t find any suitable opportunities, as a woman, that’s OK. These days, the financial situation means that often women do have to work, and Alhmadulillah, there are a lot more suitable options available now as working from home in many fields has become the norm. You should not feel pressured into this.
However, if this is something that you want, not just because you feel your parents are forcing you, then rest assured that salah surely is the best way forward. Continue to find peace in salah, and pray for His guidance and for doors of opportunity to open for you.
Trust that you may be struggling now, but Allah has the perfect match waiting for you when the time is right. It may not feel like that now, but you can be sure that when that opportunity comes your way, you will thank Allah for the difficulties you faced getting there and will be ever so grateful.
Expand your search, ask around, and try something totally different. Do your part and then take the matter to Allah, and He will sure provide a suitable opportunity for you in due course. In the mean time, continue to find peace in prayer, put your trust in Him, and maintain peace with your parents as long as they are not trying to force you against Islam.
Praying absolutely will solve your problems, contrary to what your parents say, but at the same time, you do also need to ‘tie your camel’ and do your part in searching for opportunities for work (if you are looking that is).
May Allah guide you and your parents. May He provide you with opportunities beyond what you expected. May He bring peace and harmony to your household and make you all the coolness of each other’s eyes in this life and the next.
Read more:
- How to Attain Inner Peace and Strength?
- Soothing Prayer: Time For Myself
- Duties of Children towards Their Parents in Islam
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