My Life is at a Standstill: How to Get it Back on Track?

18 August, 2020
Q I have failed in 2nd puc science 3 times but couldn't clear it. Now I have pursued 2nd puc commerce. I failed in that too!

I have lost interest in everything I tried to commit suicide in all possible ways but I failed in that too😖 I have become good for nothing I’m feeling like I'm a burden on my own self.

I was topper in my schooling and first in everything. I used to read prayer daily and read Qur'an too . Now I'm just a loser who couldn't achieve anything in my life. I wanted to become a neurosurgeon or pilot but I couldn't. I want to know how to restart my life ? How to rediscover yourself how to apologize for anyone whom I have hurt?

I feel like someone or many people have cursed me, that's why my life is on a dead end. I find no way ahead or I feel someone wants me to remain like this. I feel like someone has cast a spell on me. I lost interest in almost everything.

All keep taunting me for failing in academics failing in everything almost. I don't know how to get my life back on track. I don't want to commit suicide. I don't want anyone to do a postmortem after my death.

Everything in my Life is terrible. I have seen my dreams getting shattered. I feel alone my family thinks I'm lazy and intentionally failing by not studying properly in academics. I want to find purpose in life.

My life has to come to a complete standstill. I don't know what to do with life. I want to know what course or degree I can do as I have a 3 year academic gap after 10th? I got to know nobody gives a job to people who have such a long gap.

I feel bad that even if I pursue graduation which is 3 years from this year I will not get a job .I want to know how to deal with all these frustrations?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

Please sister seek help from a professional any time if you feel you can no longer bear dealing with your negative feelings and thoughts any more and you need a professional’s help to get through them. 

Sister, please, promise me if any time you feel committing suicide again, you reach out to help.

As you live in India, please check out this website where you find all the suicidal hotline numbers.

What makes you fail? It is an important question to ponder upon. List all the possible answers on a piece of paper and then think of solutions. 

As parents, their responsibility IS to support you. Criticizing without offering help is not fair – especially not from responsible parents.

If we maintain a good relationship with Allah, Allah does not let us down. 

Workplaces do not really care about your age, not even your papers necessarily, but about your personality, experience and dedication to work with them.

Everyone experiences failures in their life. There is no one who hasn’t.

Lastly, but most importantly: turn to Allah. Do not leave your prayers even if you feel they were not perfect. Your success lies in the strength of your relationship with Allah.


Salam Aleikom sister,

Thank you for sharing your concerns.

You said you attempted to commit suicide more than once. I am so sorry to hear you wanted to end your life. Hamdulillah Allah protected you. 

Please sister, life is hard and sometimes unbearable for everyone. You are not alone with your feelings. However, Allah give so much beauty as well we need to learn to recognize and appreciate. 

Sister, please, promise me if any time you feel committing suicide again, you reach out to help. As you live in India, please check out this website where you find all the suicidal hotline numbers. They are professionals who work confidentially. Inshallah I am sure you will find great support from them. 

Failing in tests would make anyone feel disappointed. I am sorry sister for what you have been through, but remember that everything happens for a reason and no one on Earth lives without tests. 

Allah says in the Quran:

Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested. And We indeed tested those who were before them… [Surat al Ankabut,2-4]

But remember, what matters is what you do about your hardships:

No calamity occurs, but by the permission of Allah, and whosover believes in Allah, He guides his heart. And Allah is the All-Knower of everything. [64:11]

And remember that happiness only comes with hardships:

For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. [94: 5-6]

Sister, you wrote: “I lost interest in almost everything” and other things that indicate for me you feel depressed. Please sister seek help form a professional any time if you feel you can no longer bare dealing with your negative feelings and thoughts any more and you need a professional’s help to get through them. 

My Life is at a Standstill: How to Get it Back on Track? - About Islam

Here are some very good tips how to move on depression. 

Dealing with Depression and Anxieties

Can Muslims Be Depressed?

7 Ways to Overcome Depression

What makes you fail?

It is an important question to ponder upon. List all the possible answers on a piece of paper and then think of solutions. 

Possible problem: You fail because you find the subject hard? 

Solutions: Maybe you study with the wrong method. 

Let me share with you that my sister had a hard time as a freshman at the university. She continuously retook her exams and felt desperate due to the many failures that she felt she was stupid.

She started looking for other majors. At the same time, she changed her way of studying: she used to study alone before. Now she joined study groups with her friends. Today, she is one of the top students at her faculty! 

Or maybe you could ask your parents to hire a private teacher who helps you prepare for the exams. You might want to change your desk or the place you study. Maybe if you did port and rested molre while studying, your brain would be capable of grasping the subject.

Possible problem: Are there other issues with your family or friends that makes you frustrated, thus unable to concentrate? 

You need to think of ways to solve this frustration. You might want to write us back if this is the case.

List the problems and then list all the possible solutions.

Demotivating family

It is really painful when the closest people to us hurt us. You said “I feel alone my family thinks I’m lazy m intentionally failing.” I am really sorry that you feel alone, sister. I am sure your family wants the best to you – they just communicate it to you in the wrong way. Behind their words you receive as harsh, they might think “shaking you up” would work. 

However, you need another way of motivation. Please, in a calm moment, talk to them. Maybe just talk to your mother first and tell her how hurt you feel. Express them what you need in order to feel motivated: you need your mother to hug you, to say they believe in you and you can do this. Or ask them to support you by studying with you or hiring a private teacher. 

As parents, their responsibility IS to support you. Criticizing without offering help is not fair – especially not from responsible parents.


Check out this counseling video:


Maybe Allah wants to signal something to you?

Allah is the All Wise and everything that happens on the Earth happens by his permission. The fact that you have failed your exams also happened for a reason. We might know, we might not, but if we maintain a good relationship with Allah, Allah does not let us down. 

What could this failing mean to you? Can you find any lesson that it tries teaching you? Have some silent moments for yourself to think of it. You might want to write your thoughts down.

Study and Work

You said sister, “Nobody gives a job to people who have such a long gap.” 

Workplaces do not really care about your age, not even your papers necessarily, but about your personality, experience and dedication to work with them. Workplaces do not even look at when you graduated from high school or what grades you gained from which subjects. They only focus on what comes after and next to your studies. 

You could do something that is both good for your happiness and mental health as well as your CV: volunteering or working part time. 

Thus, You would gain a lot of life as well as work experience which workplaces in the future will appreciate as it shows you are a hard worker and responsible. You would also feel you are doing something useful. You would be with others, you might make new friends which could give you the feeling of belonging to somewhere. 

Make a Google search or ask about opportunities at your school, inshallah. It will give you much confidence and happiness, biznillah. 

Take care of yourself

 Everyone experiences failures in their life. There is no one who hasn’t. I personally love getting inspired by the stories of successful entrepreneurs and how they failed in their previous projects. 

Here is the story of Nas Daily which I particularly love. Inshallah, it will be an inspiration for you as well. 

Yes, you need to work hard and work on passing those exams, inshallah. However, you need time to relax your mind and take down the stress. So, dedicate some time daily to do something you enjoy.

It could be meeting or talking with friends, reading a good book, watching a movie, drawing, or exercising. ( As a fitness trainer, I would personally vote for the last option. ☺ You need that energy boost exercising gives you. )

Strengthen your relationship with Allah. 

Lastly, but most importantly: turn to Allah. Do not leave your prayers even if you feel they were not perfect. Your success lies in the strength of your relationship with Allah. Make dua to Him and complain to Him. He always listens.

As Allah says in a hadeeth Qudsi: “ Whoever comes to me walking, I will come to him running.” (Saheeh Muslim)

I hope I was able to give you some relief.

If you need further assistance, please do not feel hesitant to contact us again, inshallah.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Timea Aya Csányi
Timea Aya Csányi pursues her BSc. degree in Psychology and Islamic Studies at the Islamic Online University. She is a certified NLP® Practitioner, one of our writers and counselors at the "Ask the Counselor" section. She works as a fitness trainer who is specialized in the spine and functional training. She is advocates for gaining self-love and confidence through exercising. If you are a Muslimah who seeks spine-friendly online training with a PT, you can reach out to Timea at [email protected]