In this counseling answer:
“Your fear of getting married is understandable given your personal experiences and what happens so widely in society today. However, there are some things you can do to protect yourself as much as possible from this happening to you. Begin with giving any potential spouse a thorough vetting and then ensure healthy relations within the marriage once you finally get married such as developing trust and a home with the foundations build on Islam.”
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh sister,
As adultery and zina are on the rise these days, it is understandable why you are concerned about getting married, especially when you have seen first-hand the damage adultery can do. There are, however, a number of things that you can think about and implement into your journey to marriage to be more assured that you don’t end up getting cheated on as you fear.
First of all, make sure to give any potential husband a thorough vetting. If you get a proposal, find out about him from others, have others meet him too and get a thorough assessment for your own peace of mind.
Getting to know him in depth for yourself and from other loved ones in your life will help you to get a wider perspective about his character, not biased by your own opinions or by that of others. You can also find out about him from others who know him well who will be able to tell you what kind of person he is in general.
Make sure to have several meetings with him alongside your wali so you can be very sure about his character before accepting any proposal.
Alternatively, you might ask people you know to be on the lookout for men who are looking for marriage who they might know and so will have a good idea of his character in the long term. The most important thing is that you marry a pious, Allah-fearing spouse, over any other quality. This way, you can be most confident that he will not commit an act that is most displeasing to Allah (swt).
When you do eventually take a husband, develop a close relationship in the name of Islam. Be a good example to him and encourage him to stay close to Allah (swt) so that he would fear to commit a sin that is very terrible in the eyes of Allah (swt). If you see that your husband fears Allah (swt), then you can feel more confident that he will not go out and commit adultery for fear of Allah’s punishment.
“And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.” (Qur’an, 17:32)
In the marriage, it is important to develop a trust between spouses. Be open in your relationship without keeping unnecessary secrets. This will also give you the confidence that you are in a strong and trusting marriage where you can feel confident that he will not go behind your back.
Know that at this point you have done all you can to make sure you have married a righteous man and to set a good example to him that he strives to be close to Allah (swt).
Allah (swt) forbid, the worse should happen, then you can rest assured that his punishment will be with Allah (swt) and you can leave him to face that as you have done all you can before marriage and during the marriage to protect your marriage.
What is important is that you try not to let these thoughts get in the way of you actually moving forward with a marriage you desire. Remember that marriage is a beautiful thing and gives us many protections and is why it is encouraged in Islam.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Qur’an, 30:21)
All throughout, continue to make du’aa’ that Allah (swt) will grant you a righteous spouse. Once married, do not give up on these prayers, but continue to pray for a happy and successful marriage.
Overall, your fear of getting married is understandable given your personal experiences and what happens so widely in society today. However, there are some things you can do to protect yourself as much as possible from this happening to you. Begin with giving any potential spouse a thorough vetting and then ensure healthy relations within the marriage once you finally get married such as developing trust and a home with the foundations build on Islam. These things will help you feel more confident about building a healthy marriage free from adultery. Ultimately, it is most important that you do not let your fears prevent you from moving forward with marriage.
May Allah (swt) grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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