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I Feel Depressed Because Allah Favors Men Over Women

07 January, 2022
Q I have been having great depression for a few years now. I used to be so happy and have deep trust in Allah and had very strong faith. The one day that happiness I had and the strong faith I once had disappeared.

This is all because I have learned that as a female I cannot get the same closeness to Allah as men no matter what I do, as it seems that Allah loves men so much more and rewards them for their good deeds so much more than women.

Even Paradise appeals to men so much, but I do not feel that it is appealing to women at all. Men are told they would get many beautiful wives in Paradise, which makes them very happy and excited.

Whereas, as women, we are told that our husbands will have wives that are much more beautiful than us, and they will love them more. It seems that Allah always puts the interests of men first.

Fine, I do understand that men like to have many wives. But we women like to feel that they love us more than any other woman. While men get many wives in Paradise, why cannot we be at least told that we would be much more beautiful, more superior, and more loved? In this case, men get what they desire and women get what they desire. But this is not the case. I feel so depressed because of this.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

Sister regarding Paradise, it is said that each one who makes it to Jannah will receive whatever it is that makes him/her happy – that is the reward for being true and faithful to Allah.

You may want to learn more about your elevated status as a Muslim woman as well as your rights as a wife.

Please make duaa to Allah that He grants you ease in finding the answers to your questions as you study Islam.


As salamu alaykum dear sister,

You have expressed a lot of deep concerns regarding the rights of men and women, how Allah deals with each, and the unfairness of it all from a woman’s perspective. I do understand where you are coming from on some points, but these points have other parts in the Qur’an and hadith that explain what is actually meant and why which makes it more understandable.

I am not an Islamic scholar, but I will do my best to address your concerns. Please do write to our “Ask the Scholar” or “Ask About Islam” sections for a more Islamically complete response.

Allah Loves You

Sister, Allah loves you very much. Allah loves females as much as males and thus has granted each her/his own rights according to their abilities and desires. Allah is fair and just and Allah knows us better than we know ourselves as He created us.

“Indeed, Allah does not do injustice, [even] as much as an atom’s weight; while if there is a good deed, He multiplies it and gives from Himself a great reward.” (Qur’an 4:40).

Women’s Elevated status

Sister, did you know women’s elevated status in Islam is because Allah commanded it? If we just examine how the Prophet (PBUH) loved and cherished his wives and treated them with the utmost respect we can see the value of women.

We must ask: where did the Prophet learn to treat women so well? During that time, the women in his area were not treated well at all.

It is because of his good heart and because of Allah’s commands that the prophet (PBUH) was such a good husband and also elevated the rights of all women.

Also, did you know there is a whole chapter dedicated to women in the Qur’an?

Also, some of the most elevate servants of Allah were women!

“God recognizes and rewards the good works of every human being, male or female.” (Quran 3:195).

Paradise

Sister regarding Paradise, it is said that each one who makes it to Jannah will receive whatever it is that makes him/her happy – that is the reward for being true and faithful to Allah.

There is no distinction between woman and man but only by deeds of righteousness. Do you think that the wives of our beloved prophet (PBUH) were not happy? Do you feel they are not rewarded in Jannah? Surely yes! Allah loved them very much!

“If any do deeds of righteousness,- be they male or female – and have faith, they will enter Heaven, and not the least injustice will be done to them.” (an-Nisa, 4:124)

“And We place the scales of justice for the Day of Resurrection, so no soul will be treated unjustly at all. And if there is [even] the weight of a mustard seed, We will bring it forth. And sufficient are We as accountant.” (Qur’an 21:47).

Allah is Just

Sister, Allah does not reward men and women based on gender, rather the rewards are based on the nature of women and men and what makes each one unique. This also takes into account personal wishes and desires.

Not all desires are the same for men, and not all desires are the same for women. Allah sees all, and Allah takes everything into account when giving out rewards and punishments and Allah is Just.

“And We place the scales of justice for the Day of Resurrection, so no soul will be treated unjustly at all. And if there is [even] the weight of a mustard seed, We will bring it forth. And sufficient are We as accountant.” (Qur’an 21:47).

Further Education

Sister, you may want to learn more about your elevated status as a Muslim woman as well as your rights as a wife. If there is something that is confusing or doesn’t seem fair, insha’Allah get a detailed answer from an Islamic scholar-possibly a female.

Please consider taking classes at a Masjid or Islamic community Center so you can interact with the teacher and students by asking these most important questions which are hurting you and causing depression.

When studying Islam, it is important that we understand the context of what we are reading. Often times it can be difficult!  That is why interactive classes are so important. Please do consider insha’Allah.

Conclusion

Sister, please make duaa to Allah that He grants you ease in finding the answers to your questions as you study Islam. Allah is most merciful and kind.

May Allah make it easier for you to understand the Qur’an and the hadiths (authentic) and dispel any confusion as you are taking this most sacred and important path in learning Islam.

We wish you the best. 

“God recognizes and rewards the good works of every human being, male or female.”(Quran 3:195)

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.