Answer
Answer:
As Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for writing in to our live session. I am so sorry to hear you were the victim of sexual abuse. Sadly, it is a common horrific act of violence, with 20% of females reporting they were sexually abused as a child. In fact, it is a widespread global epidemic.
What you are experiencing many women who were sexually assaulted experience. They have trust issues with men (for good reason), they often feel hatred, shame, guilt and anxiety. Some women develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). You did describe many symptoms such as sleep problems, headaches, fatigue, issues with concentration, and “trembling, sweating, rapid heartbeat” when you see your female friend. While it is hard to determine how severe these symptoms are in relation to your everyday functioning, I would suggest dear sister that you seek counseling from a therapist in your area, preferable one who specializes in childhood sexual abuse.
Additionally, I would suggest joining a support group for survivors of childhood sexual abuse as it can be a great source of strength, support as well as healing. It appears that the longer you wait for treatment after such a traumatic experience, the worse the symptoms can get until you begin therapy – your journey of healing. Based on some of your symptoms, you may be experiencing anxiety or panic disorder, along with possibly other emotional disorders as well related to the abuse.
Concerning your attraction to other women, it is my feeling that it is misplaced sexual desires due to the rapes. However, a clinician would have to evaluate and diagnose you as I cannot, but that is just my feeling. As you were so violently violated by a man as a child, perhaps subconsciously you have displaced your sexual urges and desires towards females as that is “safer” for you. I would suggest dear sister that you are not gay, that what you are experiencing is transference of sexually energy to what is safe for you. As you know in Islam, these relationships are haram. You asked if being sexually abused/raped can cause one to become gay and the answer is really subjective. In a study by Breslaw, she reported that “35% of straight women had experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by a partner at some point in their lives; 43.8% of lesbian women had experienced one of the three, as had a full 61.1% of bisexual women”. While these statics are only from one study, it cannot confirm nor deny anything. There is no definitive answer sister.
What is of utmost importance right now is that you get the help you need to begin to heal from the childhood rapes. That is the first thing dear sister. After you begin to sort through and heal from that trauma and become more stable in your emotions and sense of self, and feel safe again, then I would suggest examining your sexual preferences in a definitive. I think by that time however, you will feel quite different.
I would also suggest in sha’ Allah that you do not disclose to other females that you are attracted to them. As you stated, you lost a few friends that way, and I don’t want you to lose any more. I believe what you are feeling may be an identity crisis regarding your sexuality as a result of the rapes. Please dear sister, get the help you need so you can begin to heal. Keep close to Allah (swt), make du’aa’ that he grants healing, and that He (swt) grants ease. He (swt) does love you. Allah (swt) sees all, no harm comes to us which He (swt) does not deal with. You are in our prayers.
Salam,
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