How to Tell My Parents I’m Not Interested in Marriage?

31 August, 2020
Q I am not interested in Marriage. How can I convince my parents?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. 

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


In this fatwa:

1- Marriage is a choice. You don’t need to marry if you don’t want to as long as you do not fear falling into sins.

2- Although your parents cannot force you to marry, their actions may be born of their anxiety over your future.


In responding to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states;

Marriage is generally a highly recommended act. Yet from the point of view of fiqh, it can readily fall into one of the following four categories

Is Marriage an Obligation?

1- Marriage is fard (obligatory) if a person is so tormented by sexual desire that he/she fears falling into the sin of fornication. Since staying away from fornication is obligatory, and since marriage is the only avenue for legitimate sexual satisfaction, it becomes obligatory on such a person to get married.

The principle in jurisprudence says; “If an obligatory thing cannot be fulfilled except by fulfilling another, then fulfilling the latter becomes equally obligatory.”

2- If, however, he or she is not so tormented by sexual desire, and, hence, there is no fear of falling into sin, then it is highly advisable to get married if one has the means to do so. By doing so, one is fulfilling one of the great Sunnahs of the Prophet (peace be upon him).

3- If a person knows for certain that he or she cannot fulfill the duties required in marriage, and there is no fear of his/her falling into sin, then it becomes haram for such a person to get married.

Islam forbids us from doing injustice to another person; this would definitely be the case if one were to neglect his/her spousal duties.

4- If a person has no means to marry and is, therefore, incapable of fulfilling his spousal duties, but has strong desire, it is permissible for him to marry—provided he tries earnestly to seek an honest source of living.

Allah has promised to help such a person. We must also add here a further note; the Muslim community has a duty to assist such people until such time that they become self-reliant.

If, however, no such measures are available, and a person finds himself unable to fulfill his spousal duties, he should curb his desires through the discipline of fasting and other acts of sublimation.

Showing No Interest in Marriage

So, you are free to marry or not to marry. No one, including your parents can force you to get married. Even as they have no right to force you to eat a food you don’t love to, they have no right to force you to marry. If they do, such a marriage is considered invalid.

📚 Read Also: Can I Reject a Marriage Proposal for Location Reasons?

Lastly, although your parents cannot force you to marry, their actions may be born of their anxiety over your future. For as parents, they have worries about how you can manage by yourself once they are gone. So, don’t be rude towards them. Instead, respect their feelings and let them understand why you choose not to marry and let them know you can take care of yourself.

I pray to Allah to guide you to choose rightly and bless your choice.

Almighty Allah knows best.