Answer
Wa `alaykum as-salam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Sister, thanks for your important question. We ask Allah Almighty to guide us all to the straight path of Islam.
First of all, it should be clear that the family institution in Islam is based on mutual respect, affection, mercy and love. In the marital relationship, it is prudent for both husband and wife to seek peaceful means of conflict resolution that does not threaten the integrity and tranquility of the family, such as family intervention, mediation, arbitration or a court restraining order.
In his response to your question, the eminent Muslim scholar and da`iyah Sheikh `Abdul Khaliq Hassan Ash-Shareef stated,
It should be clear that there is a difference between a fatwa given to a specific individual in a given case and a fatwa given to the public. Therefore, issuing fatwas like those you referred to in your question for the public is a form of emotional speech in an unsuitable situation.
I believe that it would have been far better for those prominent scholars and thinkers to concentrate on factors that inculcate affection and love among the spouses. They are expected do their best to teach men and women the Islamic manners of dealing with each other.
If the marital house is not established on affection, love, and courtesy, it will not continue to play its role defined by Shari`ah which seeks to maintain tranquility, affection, mercy and love within the family.
Given the above, announcing such fatwas amid a reality that is replete with corruptive media, bad social relations, immoral mixing between members of opposite sexes in addition to media pressure on the Muslim family aiming to break it down, does not take into consideration the current reality and circumstances that necessitate balancing benefits with harms. The fatwa was expected to focus on all that cements the fabric of the Muslim family which is, in fact, prone to corruptive media as well as the absence of the real role of parents with regard to caring for their children.
Although the fatwas of those prominent scholars, with my all respect to them, include some correct principles, these principles are put in the wrong context in the midst of moral corruption that is available via the various means of media.
Having stated the above, I see that the solution lies in spreading facts about Islam, teaching men and women the teachings of Islam and its manners. Turning the marital home into an arena for boxing and vulgar words is not a workable solution.
Moreover, Sheikh Mohamed El-Moctar El-Shinqiti, director of the Islamic Center of South Plains, Lubbock, Texas, added,
First of all, I would like to state that it is not allowed for a husband to physically abuse his wife in the first place. The verse in surat An-Nisaa’ has been greatly misunderstood and there are many authentic hadiths prohibiting physical abuse in unequivocal terms. Therefore, beating is not an option in the first place.
Secondly, the right to defend oneself is a legitimate right in Islam. It is to be used at any time a person knows he or she is in danger or that his or her life is in jeopardy. Therefore, if an abusive husband attacks his wife, first she should ask for help from anyone she thinks can rescue her, such as neighbors or those in authority. If that is not feasible, and she thinks her life is in danger, then she can definitely defend herself.
Having said that, I must state that Islam offers us many solutions to resolve family conflicts so that we do not have to resort to barbaric means that involve physical abuse. These solutions include, but are not limited to, reconciliation and arbitration. If these peaceful means are exhausted and there is no harmony in the family, we must know that Islam allows divorce. This is because peaceful separation is better in the eyes of Islam than a dysfunctional marriage.
Allah Almighty knows best.