My Wife Can’t Connect with Me: She Doesn’t Desire Me!

20 May, 2020
Q My Nikkah is done. We don't live together and planning to do so soon insha'Allah. It's been about 5 months.

She keeps on telling me she couldn't connect with me. She doesn't find any desire in me and she does not like me.

She finds me restricting and she isn't able to open up and have fun with me. Even when I touched her she felt irritated and shivered with disgust. I Feel like she is homosexual. And she cant feel any desire .

She consulted a psychologist for treatment. The psychologist told me the same thing that she doesn't have any boys as friends apart from father, brother and cousins.

She is very religious and I am pretty sure she never have committed any haram activity and she only noticed this behavior now after our marriage.

She is an independent woman and well educated and a working lady.

I told my family about her behavior. They tell me to divorce her because of her homosexual behavior and her not liking me and also she didn't provide me any happiness or comfort.

I am in confusion of what to do. I told her about my family's decision. She told me she can't confirm anything as to if she would be a good wife until the treatment has been done.

She is asking for another 5 months which my family don'e agree with. I am afraid to separate over the behavior as she does't give me a yes or no decision.


In this counseling video:

The behavior she is exhibiting is part of her having to adjust to new situation.

In most marriages, couples take time to adjust to a new life.

Your wife is doing the right thing by seeking treatment, so at least she is trying.

For the bonding of your relationship, be supportive of her while she is going through therapy.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (