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Married But Single: Coping With An Absent Husband

08 March, 2024
Q I've been married for 17 years. We have 4 children and life has been pretty tough as the children were very close to the age. My husband never helped around. His only duty was to work. He will give me money and holidays. We didn't need anything. However, as the years past and the children growing I started to feel extremely frustrated for his lack of involvement in our life. He has never taken the kids to their activities letting me struggling to find a parent to take them while taking the other children. He always managed to take time when it's for his own benefit. He is not interested at all. I started to argue with him on a daily basis as I have no friends at all nor family (family ties cut) to speak to. I offered him on many occasions to leave but he refuses. I have nowhere to go and he just doesn't care about me going in a hostel with the kids. My problem is with the years I think I don't like him anymore. I tried everything but nothing works. I asked him to separate (so we can see if this is really what I want and he might also find happiness) but he refuses to leave the home. At this stage, as I have none to speak to, I tried so hard to find women in vain. I started to chat and then yes I was very close to committing zina which made me dislike him even more and started to like the feeling of chatting and flirting. What should I do? My youngest is 10 the oldest is 15.

Answer

Salam Aleikom,

In this counseling answer:

Should a husband help around the house?

How to rekindle the love and care in a marriage after 15 years

The Islamic way to strengthen the marital relationship

Is divorce a good solution in such situations?

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.