Husband Changes When In-Laws Are Here

04 February, 2020
Q Assalamu alaikum,

I have been married for 6 years and have two daughters. I, my husband, and our daughters are all-around a happy family, except when my in-laws come around. When they come, my husband starts behaving very strangely. I get busy doing all the housework for them while being reminded that the house I live in is actually theirs.

I am responsible for buying all the items for our house, while my husband doesn’t help me with anything. Raising the kids is my job, so are food and necessities. He is just responsible for monetary issues, even though it is my job to sort the bills and all. I am just made to be a person who looks after them regardless.

Even if I try to make the house look better by buying things like new furniture or crockery all I get in return is that it’s all unnecessary. Whenever I try doing anything to make it looks good, I just get reminded that it isn’t my house.

To some extent, I can understand their emotional attachment, but it isn’t like I’m trying to take over the house. I have also heard them speaking badly about my mother. They have come up to my face and brought up so many bad and irrelevant things about my family.

I’ve asked my husband multiple times to interfere or at least ask them not to be this harsh towards me. I’ve also asked him for a separate house as he can afford a decently sized one, but he refuses. My parents are not in this country, and I can only see them up to about 3 weeks a year.

I feel really stressed and down. I have never asked my husband for much worldly or excessive things, just a separate space where I can raise my kids with some mental peace. If this goes on much longer, I’ll start to develop feelings of hatred towards them.

I feel trapped and I’m unable to sleep properly. I have even asked my husband to come for some Islamic marriage counseling, but he is not willing. Please advise me on how I can overcome this problem.


Salam Aleikom,

In this counseling answer, you will learn:

Discuss who does what in a way that you are both happy with.

Work out a plan for the time his parents are there.

Ignore what your in-laws say about your family – for now.

This is your home, and you have the right to decorate it in a way you feel comfortable with.

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About Megan Wyatt
Megan Wyatt is the founder of Wives of Jannah where she offers training programs, live workshops, and relationship coaching for wives and couples. She is a certified Strategic Intervention coach with specialized certifications for working with women and marital relationships and has been coaching and mentoring Muslims globally since 2008. She shares her passion for Islamic personal development in her Passionate Imperfectionist community. She is a wife and homeschooling mother with four children residing in Southern California.