In this counseling answer:
• I am wondering if you had a chance to spend any (halal) time with him before you married him. This is very important to ensure compatibility.
• Talk to your husband about some of your concerns.
• I encourage you to think about what it is you seek in marriage.
• If after trying to resolve the issues with him, you still do not care for your husband sister, insha’Allah informs your family that you do not wish to continue with the marriage due to irreconcilable differences.
Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having with your marriage. Marriage may be hard at first when trying to get to know each other, but you have already identified several things that are serious enough to cause depression.
Sister, I am wondering if you had a chance to spend any (halal) time with him before you married him. This is very important to ensure compatibility.
I am not clear as to whether you were living together and are no longer, as you indicated he does not respond to you or your family texts/calls even when trying to wish you a happy Eid. Perhaps you have not lived with him yet nor even met him.
It appears you are trying to make a decision as for whether or not to go on with this marriage. You are also trying to decide if you should live with him.
As you have been married since February, this has given you almost a year of getting to know him, sister. Indeed, you have found his social behaviors to be rather odd; you do not care for his behaviors towards you (and your family) as he acts with “indifference”. He is ungroomed as well as irresponsible towards you.
Sister, I would kindly suggest that since you went through with the nikkah you at least give it a chance. I would kindly suggest that you talk to your husband about some of your concerns. Perhaps he is depressed or stressed out over something and it is a temporary situation.
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However, sister, you will not know unless you open the conversation. Insha’Allah if you chose to discuss your concerns with him with the goal to save the marriage, please do so in a loving way. Explain to him that you would like to get closer to him and you would like to discuss a few things. Insha’Allah, he should be receptive.
You may also want to talk to your husband about marriage counseling to help bring you both closer as well as in an effort to save the marriage.
Sister if he refuses to talk, or gives responses that indicate what you feel is true, I encourage you to think about what it is you seek in marriage. Is he kind to you in other area’s? Is he respectful? Is he enhancing your relationship with Allah by praying with you, reading Qur’an together, etc.? Is he passionate/affectionate to your liking? Is he a responsible head of the family?
These are not inclusive questions sister, but merely illustrative of the type of things you need to think about. Please do reflect on what you desire in a marriage.
If after trying to resolve the issues with him, you still do not care for your husband sister, insha’Allah informs your family that you do not wish to continue with the marriage due to irreconcilable differences.
As far as your concern sister that you have no other “options or proposals” at this time is irrelevant if you are already married. If you chose, after a divorce you may wish to seek one who is more compatible. You may wish to explore other options for assistance beyond your parents.
Insha’Allah sister, these marriage issues will be resolved so that you both are happy. If not, then insha’Allah part ways because an unhappy marriage can lead to a miserable life and is not fair to either of you.
We wish you the best dear sister,
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.