Husband’s Odd Social Behavior; I’m Thinking of Divorce | About Islam
Home > Ask the Counselor > Marital Obstacles > Husband’s Odd Social Behavior; I’m Thinking of Divorce

Husband’s Odd Social Behavior; I’m Thinking of Divorce

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 03, 2019

Question

My name is Tabassum. On February 18 I got married. The man is over 50 years and I am 38. It's my first marriage while it is his second. It was an arranged marriage with my permission. But spending a few months in this status, I've come to know that he doesn't have normal social behavior. He doesn't respond to my family's calls or replies to my messages even if it's greeting him on eid.

His first marriage was a bad experience which compels him to see us through that glass. It was a compromising marriage from the first day for me, but after his behavior, I feel zero courage to go and live with him.

I feel the woman was infertile so is he. His first marriage broke after a few months. My family didn't know that his sister's statement about his first marriage caused the girl's father to make them get divorced.

In my case, he wrote in the marriage contract a minimal dowry and less jewelry as he's financially from a lower status than us. My family leaves this issue for me to decide whether I want to remain married to him or not. I do not like him.

Counselor

Answer


Husband’s Odd Social Behavior; I’m Thinking of Divorce

In this counseling answer:

• I am wondering if you had a chance to spend any (halal) time with him before you married him. This is very important to ensure compatibility.

• Talk to your husband about some of your concerns.

• I encourage you to think about what it is you seek in marriage.

• If after trying to resolve the issues with him, you still do not care for your husband sister, insha’Allah informs your family that you do not wish to continue with the marriage due to irreconcilable differences.


As-salaam Alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having with your marriage. Marriage may be hard at first when trying to get to know each other, but you have already identified several things that are serious enough to cause depression.

Sister, I am wondering if you had a chance to spend any (halal) time with him before you married him. This is very important to ensure compatibility.

I am not clear as to whether you were living together and are no longer, as you indicated he does not respond to you or your family texts/calls even when trying to wish you a happy Eid.   Perhaps you have not lived with him yet nor even met him.

It appears you are trying to make a decision as for whether or not to go on with this marriage. You are also trying to decide if you should live with him.

As you have been married since February, this has given you almost a year of getting to know him, sister. Indeed, you have found his social behaviors to be rather odd; you do not care for his behaviors towards you (and your family) as he acts with “indifference”. He is ungroomed as well as irresponsible towards you.

Sister, I would kindly suggest that since you went through with the nikkah you at least give it a chance. I would kindly suggest that you talk to your husband about some of your concerns. Perhaps he is depressed or stressed out over something and it is a temporary situation.


Check out this counseling video:


However, sister, you will not know unless you open the conversation. Insha’Allah if you chose to discuss your concerns with him with the goal to save the marriage, please do so in a loving way. Explain to him that you would like to get closer to him and you would like to discuss a few things. Insha’Allah, he should be receptive.

You may also want to talk to your husband about marriage counseling to help bring you both closer as well as in an effort to save the marriage.

Sister if he refuses to talk, or gives responses that indicate what you feel is true, I encourage you to think about what it is you seek in marriage. Is he kind to you in other area’s? Is he respectful?  Is he enhancing your relationship with Allah by praying with you, reading Qur’an together, etc.? Is he passionate/affectionate to your liking? Is he a responsible head of the family?

These are not inclusive questions sister, but merely illustrative of the type of things you need to think about. Please do reflect on what you desire in a marriage.

If after trying to resolve the issues with him, you still do not care for your husband sister, insha’Allah informs your family that you do not wish to continue with the marriage due to irreconcilable differences.

As far as your concern sister that you have no other “options or proposals” at this time is irrelevant if you are already married. If you chose, after a divorce you may wish to seek one who is more compatible. You may wish to explore other options for assistance beyond your parents.

Insha’Allah sister, these marriage issues will be resolved so that you both are happy. If not, then insha’Allah part ways because an unhappy marriage can lead to a miserable life and is not fair to either of you.

We wish you the best dear sister,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

My Husband’s Bad Habit of Criticism

Feeling Helpless: Why Does My Husband Treat Me Bad?

Worried About My Husband’s Bad Relation with His Family




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

Add Comment


find out more!