In this counseling answer:
•I would kindly suggest discussing with your husband a phasing out approach.
•To understand what the best way is to move with a situation such as this, it would take your understanding of why he desires to live there as well.
•You have the right to have your own home. Please do discuss this with your husband in a kind manner. Assure him that you do love his family but would prefer the family unit to remain as you and him (and any children that you may have).
As salamu alaykum my dear sister and Ramadan Mubarak.
I am truly sorry to hear about your situation with your father-in-law. I can imagine it is most difficult living with somebody who you know does not like you and did not like you since you and his son got married. May Allah bless you for your efforts to make your father-in-law feel at home when he got kicked out of his apartment.
As I understand your situation, about a year after he moved in with you and your husband, he got married. At this point, he brought his new wife and child to move in with the family without telling you or your husband. It has been three years since he moved in. You are getting tired of the situation which is understandable.
Questions to Consider
Sister, to address your situation correctly I would ask you to reflect on the following, insha’Allah: 1. Does he treat you with respect and dignity now? 2. Is he kind to you? 3. Does he and his wife contribute to the household financially? 4 Does his wife help with the household chores? 5. Does their living with you interfere with you and your husband’s relationship? 6. Does their living there interfere with your daily worship and responsibilities to Allah? 7. What are the joys and positives of them living with you?
Consult with your Husband
I will kindly suggest that insha’Allah you look at these questions and thoughtfully answer them. I also suggest that you discuss your concerns with your husband and point out areas wherein his fathers (and wife, child) presence may be detrimental to your household.
If there are no negatives or detriments to them being there, your husband may indeed wish to care for his father as he is nearing an elderly age. On the other hand, as his father is remarried with a new wife and child, it is his father’s responsibility to support his wife and child not you or your husband’s.
Insha’Allah, if it is a situation that is tolerable for a little while longer, and it does not affect your relationship with your husband or your faith, I would kindly suggest discussing with your husband a phasing out approach. This could be a situation wherein your father-in-law and his wife would begin to think about getting their own place. Perhaps setting up a year timeline so they can prepare.
Father in Law, Wife, Child
Your father-in-law is active and works, it’s not like he is elderly, sick, or disabled and needs help. His living with you and your husband appears to be either something that is convenient for him, or he truly does desire to be near you and your husband and share a life.
To understand what the best way is to move with a situation such as this, it would take your understanding of why he desires to live there as well. Perhaps your father-in-law changed his mind after you got married. Perhaps he truly does love and respect you sister. Perhaps he wants to be a family unit. If this were the case, I would kindly suggest that you reconsider wanting them to move out based only on the thought that he did not like you.
Your Rights as a Wife
Granted, every wife wants a home with her husband and her family. You have a right to feel comfortable in your own home. If their being there causes you much grief and anguish, you have the right to have your own home. Please do discuss this with your husband in a kind manner. Assure him that you do love his family but would prefer the family unit to remain as you and him (and any children that you may have).
Check out this counseling video
Final Assessment of the Situation
Insha’Allah, after assessing the situation your husband and you can determine which route is most beneficial for everybody involved. Please do ensure that you have looked at all sides and have the needed information to make good recommendations. I’m sure that you both will have everybody’s best interest at heart when talking about the possibility of them either staying or moving out.
We wish you the best,
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.