Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,
Thank you for writing to us about your situation. As you know, what you are doing is haram; it is a grave sin. In addition, as this young man has been with you as a child, it is unclear if you raised him “as a son” and later hired him as a servant, or if he was a servant since age 9? In any case, as he came to you as a child and grew up in your family, it is even more bothersome.
While I understand dear sister your loneliness and possible depression over not receiving affection from your husband who is away much of the time working, it is still no excuse to exploit a younger man who has been in your home since a child – let alone committing zina.
How do you know if your “servant” truly enjoys pleasing you? There is a great possibility he fears to lose his job if he does not comply with your instructions. He also probably lives with the fear of what would happen if your husband found out.
Additionally, as I do not know what your family’s relationship was with him when he came to you at the age of 9, it is possible that he, at that time looked upon you as an aunt or mother-figure, and now for the past 3 years, it may seem very strange to him to have this sexual relationship with you.
Lastly, if he is a practicing Muslim, he must also live with his fear of Allah (swt) for his actions.
So sister, it is my idea that this young man is tormented for many reasons. When we are entrusted with the care of a child (though now he is a man), we are to be careful not to abuse that trust, nor do anything to harm them, physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.
This includes the psyche of that person. Being a mercy to all creatures, Islam commanded its adherents to recognize this fact and deal with their servants justly showing them kindness and good treatment” and “Islam commanded Muslims to be merciful to their servants and treat them kindly. In this regard, the Prophet (saw) said:
“They (servants) are your brethren upon whom Allah has given you authority. So, if one has one’s brethren under one’s control, one should feed them with the like of what one eats and clothe them with the like of what one wears. You should not overburden them with what they cannot bear, and if you do so, help them (in their hard job).” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Dear sister, as we can see from the above hadith, having sexual relationships with your servant may be putting more upon him that he can bear as it is sinful, among other reasons.
Having him attend to your personal hygienic needs is also sinful and is a great burden upon him. I would kindly suggest that you give this young man the opportunity to look for work elsewhere so that he may earn money in a halal manner and not risk burning in hell due to his current employment duties.
May Allah (swt) bless you sister if, indeed, you do take this route to save this young man from a spiritual fate which separates him from Allah (swt).
I ask you to do this for him as well as yourself. Surely, you do not want to be counted among those who are lost and despised in the eyes of Allah (swt), do you?
This suggestion is a protection for you as well as him. Should your husband ever find out, would you want the consequences of your husband’s actions towards him on your conscious? While I feel it may take him time to find another job, please do make his time with your family stress-free.
I suggest that you tell him that what you have required of him is wrong and sinful and that from now on, he will not be your personal servant or sex partner. I suggest you apologize to him and let him find work elsewhere.
In regards to you dear sister, I suggest you repent to Allah (swt). There are several grave sins here – zina, exploiting a servant for sex as well as violating a “family” type of relationship if one did exist.
I know you are a lonely, sister, I can imagine how hard it must be; however, I suggest you do talk to your husband and explain to him how you feel.
Ask him if it is possible that you travel with him or if he can spend more time at home. While he is working to support you and the family, his responses as well are to be respected.
I encourage you to apologize and release your servant once he has found a job and treat him with dignity and respect while he is there seeking employment.
I suggest you sincerely repent to Allah (swt) and make du’aa’ that He shows mercy and guides you on the right path.
You may also use the following supplications consistently in order to ask Allah (swt) to purge your heart of all pernicious thoughts and inclinations:
Allaahumma tahhir qalbee wa ahsin farjee.
O Allah, cleanse and purify my heart of all sins, and help me to remain chaste and pure.
Rabbi qinee sharra sam`ee; rabbi qinee sharra basaree; rabbi qinee sharra lisaanee; rabbi qinee sharra maniyyee.
My Lord, protect me from the evils of my ears; my Lord, protect me from the evils of my eyes; my Lord, protect me from the evils of my tongue; my Lord, protect me from the evils of my sperm (i.e., private parts).
Allaahumma habbib ilayya al-eemaana wa zayyinhu fee qalbee wa karrih ilayya al-kufra wa al-fusuqa wa al-isyaan.
O Allah, make faith dear to my heart, and embellish my heart with faith, and make me abhor and detest disbelief, transgression, and sins of all sorts.”
I ask that you read Qur’an and engage in Islamic activities with sisters outside of the home to keep you busy when your husband is gone.
Consider doing some charity work, perhaps in the poor areas of town where people are in need. And dear sister, please do speak with your husband about your needs, that you’re missing him, in order that a compromise or solution may be offered for your dilemma.
Your husband is the one Allah (swt) gave to you, so you both can cherish, love and respect one another. Please keep that in mind as well.
We wish you the best, and you are in our prayers. We trust that in sha’ Allah you will do what is best for both your soul as well as the young man’s soul. Please let us know how you are doing.
Salam,
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