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Did I Kill My Best Friend?

25 May, 2022
Q As-salamu `alaikum, two days ago I was speaking to my closest friend who had been facing major depression/severe migraines. After speaking to him I told him that it was a very difficult situation and people have it worse and may Allah make it easy for you. He was joking and laughing. I spoke to him for 10 minutes. I remember saying to him that you are strong it is difficult situation and people have killed themselves because of these migraines so insha Allah you get rewarded and it will go away and you can get back to Uni. After few hours I heard he killed himself. I am shattered I feel like maybe he committed suicide because of me saying, that "people have killed themselves because of these things". Please respond!



Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam dear brother,

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. Dealing with bereavement, especially when the person who has returned to Allah (swt) is someone close to you.

Additionally, if you feel like you are somewhat responsible, then you will feel this added burden as you do.

Naturally, when we face any difficult situation, we look back and wonder if we could have done something different that would have resulted in a more favourable outcome.

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In this case, you are wondering if you had not said what you did, maybe he wouldn’t have killed himself.

We have to be cautious to avoid such thoughts as this as we are told that “what ifs” open the door to Shaytan.

If you continue to be stuck in thoughts of “what if I had/hadn’t done/said this”, you will become stuck in this cycle of feeling responsible for the situation.

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Continued thoughts like this will lead you away from the remembrance that Allah (swt) is the one in control. He (swt) is the One who takes us all at our appointed time.

There was nothing you could have done to prevent his death because it is only Allah (swt) who can do this.

These thoughts will also prevent you from moving through the process of bereavement.

Once you have overcome these thoughts, of course, you will still feel the pain.

It will take time to move on from this and back to a normal life.

Try to engage in life as you always did, and when you find yourself back in moments of sadness, seek solace in the remembrance of Allah (swt), by doing dhikr or reading the Qur’an.

Remind yourself of the Greatness of Allah (swt) and His infinite mercy.

May Allah (swt) bring you comfort in His words and remembrance and make it easy for you to remember all the good things about your friend and progress smoothly through the process of bereavement.



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