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My Kids Don’t Want to Fast Long Hours, What to Do?

31 March, 2021
Q Asaalamu Alaikum,

I have two children; a boy, 14, and girl, 11. We recently moved to a western country due to my work. Alhamdulillah, we are practicing Muslims.

As the fasting month of Ramadan is approaching, I'm facing a problem with my kids because of the long fasting hours, which will be more than 19 hours.

My children feel it will be very difficult to cope with that. They ask me why we should fast all this time and they find it very hard? How can I deal with that?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Firstly, remind them why they are doing it. It is one of the commandments of Allah, a pillar of Islam that we must complete for His sake.

•Remind them of the many people around the world that not only go without food and drink for 19 hours for a month but that have to face this difficulty every single day

•Talk with them about the benefits of fasting in how it helps us to be grateful and learn lessons in patience, not only in withdrawing from food but other think such as backbiting also.

•Get them involved in the process of preparing suhoor and iftar. Likewise with planning for Eid. This will give them something to look forward to throughout.


Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

Alhamdulilah that you are practicing Muslims as this will make the process of adapting to different patterns of fasting easier for the sake of Allah in the understanding that He is the wisest and most Merciful.

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To fast for 19 hours seems like a daunting task, not only for children but for adults alike. 19 hours is a long time to go without food and drink. However, there are many things that can be done to make this task easier.

Firstly, remind them why they are doing it. It is one of the commandments of Allah, a pillar of Islam that we must complete for His sake.

Encourage them to contemplate why Allah makes us do this every year. Remind them of the many people around the world that not only go without food and drink for 19 hours for a month but that has to face this difficultly every single day.

They have been blessed to live in a part of the world where they don’t have to face this and surely they can endure such a test for a short amount of time.

My Kids Don't Want to Fast Long Hours, What to Do? - About Islam

Talk with them about the benefits of fasting in how it helps us to be grateful and learn lessons in patience, not only in withdrawing from food but other thinks such as backbiting also.

It is a way to reform our characters and purify ourselves. These are things that are easily overlooked when the focus becomes solely on the things that we go without, rather than the things we gain.

These are lessons we can learn only from experiencing Ramadan. After all, we don’t tend to appreciate something as much as when we experience life without it. It’s a great way to cultivate a sense of gratitude.

Allah knows the struggles that we go through during Ramadan and we will be rewarded for the same and this is also a motivation to keep going even when things are tough.

Aside from the spiritual reminders, try and make things easier for them by getting them involved as much as possible so that they can find some joy in the experience.

Get them involved in the process of preparing suhoor and iftar. Likewise with planning for Eid.


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This will give them something to look forward to throughout. Eid is one of the times a year that we can really celebrate so let them get involved in planning so that they can feel like a part of it as much as everyone else.

Likewise with any events that might be going on in your local masjid. If classes are being held, let them join so they can be with other kids their age who are also fasting.

This way they can see that other kids are also joining in the fast and feel more inclined to be like their fellow brothers and sisters who are also enduring the same. It will add to the sense of being part of the Ummah with others like them.

Also, remind them that whilst the days are long now, these times will change and days will get longer and shorter accordingly. 

At some point, the day lengths will be incredibly short and people in other parts of the world would wish to fast the short days where you are located.

May Allah reward your drive to make things easier for them and to encourage them in maintaining their obligations. May He also reward their efforts.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)