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I Want to Move Out to Be Away From My Toxic Father

20 October, 2021
Q Can a Muslim woman move out of her house due to mental illness caused by her father? What can I do if I feel like leaving home because of my frustrating father?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

Please do call the Suicide Prevention Hotline if you are feeling like harming yourself, or the Domestic Violence Hotline in your area if you are being harmed.

Please reach out to a family member or friend whom you trust for support.

Counseling can also provide many resources for you, which may assist you with your plans as well as family intervention if needed.

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Please draw close to Allah and make dua to Allah for ease and help with this situation.

As salamu alaikum sister,

I am sorry to hear that your father has caused such great pain and issues within the family and for you particularly that you want to move out. Due to the nature of your question, I kindly advise you to submit your question to our “Ask the Scholar” section for a more concise Islamic answer.

Issues with Father

Sister, I am not sure what is going on with your father that would make you want to move out. As you did not specify what was happening with him, nor with you, I can only advise you in a hypothetical manner.

If your father is abusive, please do tell a relative whom you trust and are close with as well as call the Domestic Violence Hotline in your area. If your father is merely irritating, frustrating, and so forth, you can take steps to leave to preserve your own mental health and sense of well-being.

Of course, the steps which need to be taken will depend on your age (which you did not disclose) for both situations.

I kindly suggest that you reach out to a trusted family member or sister, as well as connect with some local community agencies which can assist you with the steps that need to be taken once they have the specifics of your situation.

Rights as a Muslim Woman

Sister, you have the right to live in a home that is free from abuse and harm. You have the right to live in an environment that is peaceful, loving, and conducive to your safety, the practice of Islam, and your happiness. If your current home situation is a toxic environment, you have the right to leave.

Mental Health Issues

Sister, the way you phrased your question, it sounds like you may be suffering from mental health issues that you attribute to your father.

I kindly suggest insha’Allah that you seek out mental health counseling as soon as possible to address any symptoms you are having.

As you did not describe what mental health issues you are going through, I am unclear if your mental health status is in the emergency category.

I am therefore asking you to evaluate how you feel dear sister and if you feel you are a danger to yourself or others, if you feel you do not want to live, please inform someone of your trust, go to the nearest emergency room/hospital, and call the Suicide Prevention Hotline.

Sister, if you do have mental health issues and choose to participate in counseling, it can make a great difference in how you view things and how you may proceed in dealing with your father.

I kindly suggest that if you do indeed have a mental health disorder, that you address this first, or in conjunction with moving out if this is to be your decision.

Wellness on all levels of functioning (physical, spiritual, emotional, mental) is important when making big life decisions or actions. It provides a more solid foundation to deal with stressors that change can bring. You may also find that by resolving your mental health issues, you may be in a stronger position to deal with your father (provided that there is not any abuse going on).

Choices

Sister, as I really do not know what is going on, I do want you to know that you have choices and yes, one of them (depending on your age & situation) is moving out.

The other choice is to get a family mediator, preferably Islamic, to assist you with the issues with your father.

This can be done with a family counselor, an imam whom you trust, or a close family relative who is unbiased. Insha’Allah, you will get counseling, however for you, and please remember your safety comes first.

Conclusion

Sister, please assess your situation for safety issues. Please do call the Suicide Prevention Hotline if you are feeling like harming yourself or the Domestic Violence Hotline in your area if you are being harmed.

Please reach out to a family member or friend whom you trust for support. You deserve to live in a peaceful and loving home-that is your right. Please do get counseling to resolve any mental health issues you may have as a result of what has been going on.

Counseling can also provide many resources for you, which may assist you with your plans as well as family intervention if needed. Sister, you have choices. Please draw close to Allah and make dua to Allah for ease and help with this situation.

Allah loves you sister and will bless your steps in resolving this if you draw close to Him. We wish you the best.

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.” Qur’an 2:286

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.