I Rolled Down the Slope of Morality

31 August, 2016
Q Hello Sir, I am a Muslim youth who finally wants to shed tears in repentance. Up to the age of 12, I used to be an innocent, God-fearing child who would try to follow his prayers. Ever since I entered puberty, I rolled down the slope of morality and this downward journey continued for 7 years. I indulged in vices like masturbation and watching pornographic material on the web. From praying two to three times a day, I came down to 2-3 times a month (only Friday prayers). I disregarded the significance of cleanliness because of my masturbating habits. But worst of all, I committed a sin for which I am ashamed to death. I sneakily watched a Muslim woman semi-nude WITHOUT her knowledge of it while she was changing her dress. At the time I committed this sin, I was 18 years old and was under a lot of stress. But I know that this is not a valid excuse for me. However, ever since I committed this horrible act, I have not been able to stay at peace. I tried to put it behind, but couldn't. Mentally, I went from bad to worse. I am now full of anxiety and guilt. I want to repent. I want to seek Allah's forgiveness but I am very scared, because the sins that I have committed are those that Allah hates. My biggest regret is that she was a Muslim, and I did not stop myself. I have never committed zinah (sex outside of marriage), but I know that this is zinah of the eyes (I came to know about the gravity of this sin after I committed it). I also know that Allah is all forgiving and that He likes to forgive. I guess the only reason why I am writing to you is to find out whether there is still hope for me? Sir, I want to come back. I am almost twenty and I don't want to go any lower than where I am already. And what has pulled me down is despair about the Hereafter, because I always get weird thoughts about Hell being my final abode. I have started repentance. I can't say that I was not aware that what I was committing were not sins, but I did not realize the gravity of these sins till after committing them. Satan seduced me. I know Allah tells His believers not to underestimate His Mercy, but my fear pulls me down and makes me less hopeful. Is there still hope? I now have started reading the Quran and I realize that one-day or the other, I will be facing my Creator. I guess, it was lack of belief on my part for the Day of Judgment, that led me to become a such a disgusting human being.


Salam Dear Questioner,

Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.

Absolutely, there is no doubt that Allah (God) is the Merciful, the Compassionate, the Gracious, the Forgiving. There is no comparison to Allah in His mercy, compassion, forgiveness and acceptance of repentance.

This is what our lives are all about, here on this earth. If we did not sin and repent and ask for Allah’s mercy, He tells us that He would certainly replace us with a people who would sin, repent and ask for His mercy.

Consider some of the many statements of Allah in His Book, about those who have made mistakes and then turned to Allah in repentance, then begged for His mercy. Regardless of how dreadful the mistake would be, the worst mistake is not to ask for His forgiveness and not to be willing to repent for what one has done.

Think about Prophet Jonah (Yunus, peace be upon him) in the belly of the whale when he said:

{There is none worthy to worship except You, Glorified and above all imperfection are You, and certainly I am of those who wronged themselves.} (Al-Anbiyaa’ 21:87)

After this statement and prayer, Allah had the whale expel Prophet Yunus and he was able to return to his people.

Then consider those who would not repent to Allah and what He did to them, may Allah save us from any of that, amen.

Look to the many sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). I will only mention a few:

Once he asked his Companions if they knew who the most despicable man was. They said, “Allah and his messenger know best”. He said it is the one who has made so many sins that he does not believe that Allah will forgive him.

On another occasion, he said:

“No one will enter Paradise except by the grace of Allah.” They said: “Even you, oh Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Even me.” (Al-Bukhari)

So know that God’s mercy is waiting for all those who are sincere and want to be forgiven. They must first turn to Allah and then beg for His forgiveness.

After that, turn away from the sins that they had committed with a firm resolve never to do it anymore. Then they must constantly keep in mind that Allah is watching, listening and seeing everything that they are doing all the time.

Keeping up the prayers on time in the group prayers, is also very helpful in overcoming evil acts. This is actually recorded in the hadith.

Another thing is to get married as soon as possible. If it is not possible to live together yet, at least the marriage ceremony would make a commitment and then there is peace in knowing that things are progressing along.

Mr. Lamaan Ball added the following:

I pray that Allah makes your route back to a strong healthy moral character easy. I have a couple of points that may be helpful to you.

There are five steps to repentance and gaining forgiveness in Islam.

First, you need to recognize that what you have done is wrong. This you have done.

Second, you need to regret it. This you have also done.

Third, you should put things back in order where you can. Such as when, if you steal something, you should give it back. Since you have not done many acts that can be undone, this doesn’t apply.

Fourth, you need to decide that you will sincerely try hard never to do the act again. This I think you have done to some extent.

Fifth, and finally, you need to ask God for forgiveness. This you are doing. As you see, you are well on the way to getting forgiveness.

Another aspect to consider about forgiveness is that doing good deeds such as giving your time and money to charity, is a way for Allah to automatically blot out your sins without you even asking.

We are given our sexual desires, and they are strong, and sometimes it is hard to direct them according to the ways of fulfillment that Allah has allowed. The Prophet advised people to get married as soon as they can. If you cannot get married, one of the best ways to keep your sexual desires under control is to try and fast regularly.

Don’t worry if at first you don’t succeed, keep trying, focus on what good things you intend to do and not on what you have done.

You have much more control over the future than the past.

We hope this answers your question. Please keep in touch.