Answer
Salam Dear Diana,
Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.
The mother of the believers, Um Salama had the same question. She asked her question to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and he informed her that the woman’s pious husband is going to be her husband in Paradise.
Then she asked him what if a woman has been married to more than one husband throughout her life in this dunya (this worldly life)? He answered her that she will get the best – regarding piety and manners – among them to be her husband.
As for the pious woman herself, whether a martyr or good worshiper, Allah will not make of her simply a hoor (a pure female being). She will be a leader of all hoors.
They will become maids to her. This means that she will be the most beautiful of them all and the most beloved by her husband among them.
Supposed a woman was not in love enough with her husband in this life and would not like to take him again. And, how come that a woman accepts to share her husband with all this number of hoors?
Actually, we have to realize that the dwellers of Paradise are not going to be ruled by the same nature of passion that used to rule them in this life, such as hatred and jealousy.
They will have a totally different psychology from what they used to have in this life. It is the special psychological nature of the people of Paradise, which Allah has described in the Quran in Surah 43, verse 7:
{And we shall remove from their hearts any rancor.}
Even if the husband was not appreciated by his pious wife in this life, Allah is capable of changing his negative nature so to please her in Paradise.
As for the second half of your question about rewards given to male martyrs alone, this is a common misunderstanding. A masculine pronoun does not only refer to men in the Arabic language.
There is a linguistic rule that exists in both Arabic and English that a masculine pronoun in case of referential ambiguity – that is when the referred to person is not identified – refers to both men and women.
The martyr here refers to both male and female martyrs. May Allah make us among them.
Thank you again and please keep in touch.
Salam.
Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:
Paradise & Its Delights – What People Will Look Like In Paradise