Answer
Asalamu Alaikum brother,
Thank you for contacting About Islam with your question.
It is quite clear from your description of your mental and psychological state, that Shaitaan (Satan) has successfully targeted and afflicted you with a major onslaught of whispers (waswaas).
It is precisely for the protection from such disturbing thoughts, debilitating doubts, and productivity-stunting fears and delusions, that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him-PBUH) emphasized the regular recitation of duas (supplications), remembrances (adhkar), and reading specific portions of the Quran every morning and evening.
Anyone who becomes heedless of these few simple things becomes an easy target of such an attack from Shaitaan and his army that has members among both the jinn and mankind.
Here is a list of things you need to do immediately in order to gradually rid yourself of this affliction:
- Pray all the five daily prayers. A Muslim who doesn’t pray regularly is an easier target for the devils.
- Maintain your body in a state of ablution as much as possible.
- Make sure that your clothes are clean; and that your nails and pubic hair are trimmed at least once every fortnight (preferably sooner).
- Try to make sure that your home is clean, especially the bathrooms. By this I mean, that your home should always be free from even small quantities of filth (especially in the case where small children are dwelling). So, get rid of dirty diapers immediately.
- Get rid of any bones after meals, placing them (along with diapers) in trash bins outside the house.
- Recite a page or two of the Quran aloud, in a state of ablution, every single day, preferably in the early mornings, when the mind is fresh. If you cannot recite it properly, then listen to recitation in your home.
- You should also seriously consider getting ruqyah done. More details about that at the link here.
- Last but not least, you need to repent sincerely for watching the impermissible (haram) content on your phone, and further, for not bathing (making ghusl) immediately afterwards before becoming intimate with your wife (which is a halal act of worship). The thoughts and insinuations that led you to watch this content on your phone were also from the shayateen.
The impure shayateen (devils) do not dwell in a place that is clean and in which the Quran is regularly recited, whether that is the physical body of a believer, or a house in which pure people (the muttahireen) reside.
However, you need to remember very clearly that there is no sin, big or small, that Allah does not forgive, as long as the repentance for it is sincere. That is the crux of the advice I want to give to you, brother: that you should never despair of Allah’s mercy, no matter how big a sin you have committed, and however many times you have committed it!
Allah always forgives the penitent slave who repents and turns to Him in humility, seeking forgiveness.
Once a Muslim has repented sincerely for a sin, then he becomes – in front of Allah – as if he had never committed that sin at all. So, a believer can rest assured, once he or she has repented, that Allah has forgiven him, and has covered his sin forever.
In your case, because you didn’t repent immediately, the thoughts about that sin are still bothering you. So, rush to repent now, and pray to Allah that your child grows to be pious.
Even if your baby was conceived whilst you were in a state of impurity due to the sin of masturbation, your sins are not inherited by your children. This is not something we believe in Islam. Your child is a being who insha’Allah will grow to be responsible for his or her own actions and his or her soul will not be impacted or accountable for any sin you have done.
Lastly, please make sure you follow the steps I have outlined above regularly from now on.
If your current state of negative thoughts (waswaas) still continues, and you are unable to go back to work at your job even after repenting, you might need to consult a practicing Muslim therapist, psychiatrist, counselor, or a pious community elder for further advice, help, and counseling, insha’Allah.
I hope that this advice is of help to you.
Allah knows best.
Salam.
Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:
6 Ways to Reduce Anxiety and Stress Right Now
Jinn Possession: Psychology and Spiritual Healing?