Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

Fertility problems are faced by many a person and so your struggle is not uncommon. Alhamdulilah, you know that everything happens by the will of Allah and requires patience as He is the best of planners and knows when is the right time.

 

Most women desire to have children and when made to wait will contemplate other options such as adoption. Of course, there is a lot to this process begun with getting islamic advise on the matter as there are certain implications and complexities in the matter when it comes to adoption. Beyond this, there needs to be the agreement from both he husband and wife ad they will be the ones raising the child. Ideally the support of extended family members would be useful to make the child feel like a part of the family and settle in well without complications.

 

Getting this support before the adoption is most ideal to avoid difficulties after the child has entered the family which would make it difficult for them to settle in. This will also make the process through the adoption run more smoothly too, as the actual legal process of getting approval to adopt a child to begin with can be long and stressful alone before the child even enters the home.

 

Addressing the concerns  you have can happen in a couple of ways. Firstly,  concerns with your husband and family can only really be addressed by tailing about it. Not just casual talk, but a serious and deep talk as it a child’s life that may be brought into your home. It will also get everyone use to the idea so that they are also used to the idea and can prepare themselves for welcoming someone new into the family. If you are serious about the idea and your husband also comes to be too, the you can both talk about it seriously with his parents and get them on board with support.

 

Regarding some of the concerns he has, they can also be addressed with the adoption agency, regarding whether to disclose this information to the child or not. They would have more experience in this, and be able to direct you to people who can support you in deciding in such matters. Do also bare in mind that you don’t yet know the age of the child.

 

Depending on the age of the child and their background may also be factors that help you to decide. If they are older, then they will already know, whereas if they are very small, they won’t know. Alternatively they may be at an age where they had been with parents for a short time, but perhaps not yet enough to identify them as mum and dad. Beyond this, depending on the background they have come from it may not be appropriate to disclose such to them early on and is a conversation down the line. Their character will also determine the things you say to them and when. You would need to get to know the child and allow them to settle in before you discuss the more difficult things ideally.

 

As a child they likely will come with questions, many questions and you do need to be prepared to deal with them. Talking about it with your husband and extended family in depth will help to prepare for this. As mentioned, talking to the adoption agency will also be very helpful and beyond this you will also find support groups online where you can talk to others who have been through the same and you can get advise on how they dealt with many situations that will inevitably come up in the process of adoption, right from the stage where you are now, to nurturing them in the home.

 

May Allah guide you and reward your good intentions. May He give you patience and grant you a healthy, pious child when the time is right for you.