As salamu alaykum,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. We all want our children to follow Islam and be good Muslims. However, children and even adults are not always perfect. We are all striving and we all fall short. Children especially are prone to trial and error as they have less life experiences than adults. They have had less time to learn, to grow and mature into critically thinking people.

 

Does Severe Punishment Produce Love?

 

When you ask about “very severe punishment” I am not sure what that means exactly to you as everyone’s definition can be different. I can say that that beating, abusing, psychologically harming someone is not an Islamic trait. Also it can even come with legal consequences in some countries. Severely punishing a child teaches him/her fear….yes….but does it teach love? Does it teach respect? Will your child “do right in the way of Islam” because your child fears a “severe punishment” from you? Or will the child do right in Islam because of a deep love for Allah? Do you want your child to fear you or respect, love and listen to you? Anyone can provide severe punishment, but it takes a great teacher and one who loves as a whole with patience, to get a child to stop, listen and begin to assimilate teachings with their hearts and free will. This kind of approach often produces life long bonds within that child to please Allah and their parents.

 

Discipline According to Age and Example

 

I am not saying do not discipline. In the Qur’an it clearly says we are to discipline our children. All children need discipline, boundaries and consequences in order to grow up into healthy, well functioning adults/Muslims. Depending on the age of your child, your approach to disciple would reflect that stage.

 

If we look at how the prophet Mohammad reprimanded children who were disobedient we can learn much in the way of patience and outcomes. Allah described the prophet Mohammed (PBUH) as a “beautiful example” (Quran 33:21) whom it is obligatory to follow. As well, the Prophet’s own wife confirmed that he never hit anyone with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant (Sahih Muslim). In addition, he once said “The best among you is the one who treats his family the best, and I am the one who treats his family the best.” (1)

 

Conclusion

 

If we love the prophet (pbuh) and strive to be like him, we can see there is no need for a “very severe punishment” for our children. Our love, direction, boundary setting, age appropriate discipline, as well as our own Islamic behaviors- should help keep a child on the right path. In the days of the prophet Mohammad, times in of war, those captured by the Muslims were not treated with “a very harsh punishment”. Insha’Allah, by following the example of the prophet Mohammad (PBUH) in all ways, we can help to correct those behaviors of our children which need addressing or improvement. We wish you the best, you are in our prayers.

1. https://www.soundvision.com/article/how-the-prophet-muhammad-fought-domestic-violence