As salamu alaykum dear sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session with your most important issues. We are blessed through Allah’s mercy to be able to provide this service and insha’Allah it will be beneficial. We are humbled and honored to be here for your concerns.

 

As I understand the situation dear sister, you left an abusive marriage. I know it must have been hard to leave but I am so proud of you for your courage, strength and determination. You are a beautiful example for other sisters in your situation. No woman should tolerate abuse. My question at this point is why would you want to go back? Why are you waiting? Do you really feel your husband will change? Sister, I ask you to please do some research and study more about the dynamics of relationships, abusive men and change. It is a big risk. You were blessed by Allah to leave a horrid situation and to give yourself and your child a better life.

 

I do not know the reasons you say you will not ever marry again, but I ask you to please reconsider your position insha’Allah. You never know what blessings Allah has waiting for you. I realize it can be a scary thing-remarrying given what you have been through as well as all the fitnah you see around you. However, like I said-Allah knows best and we do not know what He has planned for us.

 

Sister, there is fitnah in all countries, sadly. It is up to us to build a solid Islamic foundation at home and raise our children based on the values and morals we teach them. Insha’Allah they will be equipped to deal with fitnah and haram things with a strong foundation. It is true that we need our ummah-community in which to live in and to practice Islam in a righteous way.

 

This is vital for our growth as Muslims and for learning-increasing our knowledge. Some communities are stronger than others and it will be up to you where you chose to raise your son. If you want to move there are many options. You could go to a university and study, you could take a job in another country, you could stay with friends/family while you get settled. While some countries may offer better job opportunities and resources, please keep in mind that no place is perfect. I would kindly suggest researching a few areas you may want to live.

 

Talk to people who live there. There are options to join halal Islamic groups and meet Muslims who either live in the area you want to move or who have the same career/job interest as you. I would kindly suggest if this is an option you are considering, that you make a list of the pro’s and cons first. It could be a wonderful fresh start. Please do make istakharra prayer before making any major decisions.

 

You can raise a pious child alone. It will not be easy, but it can be done-and has been done. However, if you do, your child may be missing out on the blessings of having a wonderful stepfather and you would miss the blessings of the protection, help, companionship and other things that a marriage brings.

 

Regarding the environment, in my experience, it is possible to work in a society full of fitnahs and stay firm on your deen. People do it all the time. It can be a test and a trial, but these are the points wherein we can get along with others, work along side of non-Muslims (or Muslims who are not practicing) and still be true to our Islamic values.

 

Some may disagree based on their experiences as everyone is different. I am the only Muslim in my family. Some of my family drink alcohol once in awhile. I spend time with them, yet I do not drink nor do I want to. I am firm. They respect this. It is a matter of drawing close to Allah, rejecting what is bad and enjoining good. As no country, the community is perfect, we have to strive within ourselves to uphold what is good and permissible. You will be an excellent and wonderful example for your son wherever you chose to live.

 

Sister, I strongly encourage you to start your new life. By getting divorced you are cutting off the past and making room to allow new doors and opportunities to open. I kindly suggest that insha’Allah you embrace this blessing that Allah has given you and move forward with healing and planning for your future.

 

This may mean exploring new ways to grow such as going to a university, moving away, staying there and opening up your on business or whatever it may be that you will enjoy and will prove to be conducive both Islamically and economically. Please do make a list of your possibilities and interests. Explore steps on how to achieve what you desire to do-and make Allah your constant confidant. Allah loves you sister and will guide your path to that which is best for you and your son. We wish you the best, you are in our prayers.