Like most Asians, I love sports, especially Cricket. We play matches on Fridays. I have a team and I'm the captain of it.
During the matches, I hardly win. Just as I feel confident about winning based on the match condition suddenly my luck changes for worse and I end up losing silly matches. The moment I feel confident and relaxed something unexpected happens and I lose the match.
I'm going crazy over it. It's a been happening to me for a very long time. I had been resisting it, but now it's getting harder. I need to understand it.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Instead of worrying about whether you win or lose, be focused on having fun and enjoying the opportunity to take part.
• Despite frustrations, there is also much positive you can draw from it especially if you view things from a different perspective and most importantly place your trust in Allah and accept His Will.
• Read more about Allah’s decree and how Allah works in a wise way. There is always wisdom in what happens to us.
• Try to think of the positive outcomes of what is happening to you. What have you learned from the experience?
• Seek therapy if you feel the need to have support to overcome these feelings.
• Strengthen your connection with Allah.
Wa Alaikum salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh brother,
It can often seem like the world, everyone and everything is against us. Nothing ever goes to plan. Everything always goes wrong and you never get anything positive done. This might be the way it seems to you, but this is not necessarily the whole truth.
There are some steps you can take to overcome this feeling. You will find that you experience life a lot differently if you are prepared to make a few psychological shifts in your mentality.
Focus on the positive
You can begin by asking yourself a few important questions: Are the things that you are getting frustrated with really that important? Does it matter if you win the cricket? You yourself use the word ‘silly’ to describe them which implies that realistically these things are probably not that important to you.
![Whenever I Plan Something, The Opposite Happens; Why? - About Islam Whenever I Plan Something, The Opposite Happens; Why? - About Islam](https://aboutislam.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/karim-serageldin-naaila-clay_27-1-19-300x78.jpg?x89081)
Instead of worrying about whether you win or lose, be focused on having fun and enjoying the opportunity to take part. Many are not even afforded the opportunity to do so due to a disability or other commitments that they are required to attend to instead. So, instead of focusing on the negative that is happening at the time to you, you can instead take an approach of gratitude and positivity.
This change in mindset will automatically boost your mood and make anything seemingly bad they may happen seem quite irrelevant and unimportant. It will give you the mental space to enjoy yourself more.
Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him”.[Muslim]. (Book 1, Hadith 27)
View it from another perspective
Whilst it might feel challenging and burdensome when you end up in the scenario that you have to rally around after everyone making arrangements, you can also find some positives in this. This aspect of your presenting issue alone can be used as a source to build your skills that may be useful in managing people in a job or as head of the family in the future. Not only that, but it will make you an effective organizer too, which will make things a lot easier and less stressful for you in the future as you are well-practiced.
Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (Qur’an 2:216)
Trust in Allah
Most importantly, amongst all this, you need to develop a trust in the Qadar of Allah. If He has decreed something, then it will happen and if He has not, then it won’t.
And [remember, O Muhammad], when those who disbelieved plotted against you to restrain you or kill you or evict you [from Makkah]. But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners.(Qur’an, 8:30)
So if you were destined to win, then you will, and if not, then you won’t. That is all part of Allah’s plan and so you need not concern yourself with what you would like to happen as Allah is in control and you need to trust this.
Wherever you may be, death will overtake you, even if you should be within towers of lofty construction. But if good comes to them, they say, “This is from Allah “; and if evil befalls them, they say, “This is from you.” Say, “All [things] are from Allah .” So what is [the matter] with those people that they can hardly understand any statement? (Qur’an, 4:78)
Sure, it’s important to put in all the effort you can, but you should do so and then leave the rest to Allah and accept that you did your bit and tried your best and that was all you could do. The rest was in Allah’s hands, not a result of good or bad luck.
Check out this counseling video:
Say, “I hold not for myself [the power of] benefit or harm, except what Allah has willed. And if I knew the unseen, I could have acquired much wealth, and no harm would have touched me. I am not except a warner and a bringer of good tidings to a people who believe.”(7:188)
In fact, we can draw much wisdom from Allah in this very topic that you are seeking assistance. Aside from the specific points mentioned above, you yourself have mentioned that you see it as a trial, which again we can find meaning from in the words of Allah. Words that can provide great comfort at times like this.
And We divided them throughout the earth into nations. Of them some were righteous, and of them, some were otherwise. And We tested them with good [times] and bad that perhaps they would return [to obedience]. (Qur’an, 4:168)
Once you take these things on board, you will find it a lot easier to implement the initial steps in changing perspectives and seeking positives in your scenario. As you do this, you will also find that your connection with Allah will strengthen. This will make it waiter to consistently accept whatever scenario you end up in whilst also striving to do your best in everything also.
Editor’s note:
When you know more and more about Allah, you will realize the kind of power Allah (SWT) has. No one can understand Allah SWT without knowing Him, His qualities, His attributes, and what He SWT does. Everything that happens in the world is for a reason. Even when bad things happen to us, there are reasons for them.
Everything happens to train us and change us for the better. No one has answers for whatever is happening around the world, but sometimes bad things happen to good people because this world is not a permanent abode; it is a temporary abode.
Summary
Your experiences may be quite frustrating, especially as it seems to be happening a lot. However, a simple change of perspective in the matter generally will help you to manage your frustrations more effectively.
Despite frustrations, there is also much positive you can draw from it especially if you view things from a different perspective and most importantly place your trust in Allah and accept His Will.
May Allah guide you on the straight path and bless you in this life and the next.
Amen,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
Read more:
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/predestination-and-hard-work-justice/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/fate-choice-allahs/