As-salam alaykum sister,

I understand that your oldest brother’s been giving your family’s problems since he was in the 6th grade. He was bullied and tormented as a child and suffers from depression and social anxiety. He also has anger issues which are uncontrollable. He recently told you that he sometimes feels attracted to men. When you questioned him, he stated he likes women but is often attracted to men.

You did search his YouTube history and found most women but you did come across a search for a gay YouTuber.  In addition, you said he didn’t fast for Ramadan and he used to all the time.

Sister what your brother may be suffering from in addition to depression and anxiety is post-traumatic stress disorder. This is common in children/adults who have been bullied, tormented and/or abused.  His anger management skills are very poor.  This may be due to holding everything in for the years he was being bullied and tormented.  Now he is older and the fear and rage he’s been holding inside may be coming out.

As he has been to therapy and youth groups, and nothing has helped so far I highly encourage you to seek a therapist in your area who specializes in children who have been bullied. I am not sure to what extent his previous therapy lasted or if it addressed all of his issues, but it is imperative to get him engaged in therapy again. While you didn’t say how old he is now, it is apparent that his past traumatic experiences have altered who he truly is to a point where he is a danger to himself and possibly others with his angry outbursts.

I would also kindly suggest that you seek counseling for the family as a whole if possible, to help you deal with your brother and his behaviors. While he is the one that is truly suffering, the family is suffering as well.

It is my feeling sister that he did not intend to stray away from the dean. He is suffering with mental health issues that need to be addressed as soon as possible so he can overcome the trauma, heal and go on to live a happier and more fulfilling life. Often times when people have been traumatized or they have a mental illness it does affect their relationship in regards to practicing Islam.

People who been traumatized often cannot grasp the comfort and the healing that is in prayer, submission to Allah, and our Islamic way of life. They feel so hopeless and trapped inside of their pain that the only way they can release it is by acting out in rage.

As stated please do look for a specialized therapist who can help your brother insha’Allah. Please do keep him in your duaa’s, ask Allah to grant ease and mercy; and to guide you in your search for a qualified therapist.  You are in our prayers, w wish you the best.