As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session.  I am sorry to hear about your dad’s issues with your best friend’s father.  It is sad when adults have issues with others and impose prohibitions on other family members.  I can imagine you are torn as you love your dad very much and he is your dad.  On the other hand, this is your best friend for 7 years whom you love very much as well.  I can imagine you and your friend are very hurt and upset by this and are not sure how to proceed.  Has her dad made the same request, that she does not see you?

 

Informed Decisions

Sister, we all want to please our parents.  However, you are 18 and an adult.  This means that while you are to show respect and kindness to your dad, you are to make your own choices at this age.  I would kindly suggest that insha’Allah you sit down with your dad when things are calm.  Maybe take him out for coffee or tea at a quiet cafe or restaurant.  Explain to him that you love and respect him very much.  Also, explain to him that it is important for you to know the exact issue he is having with your best friends father as it needed for you to make an informed decision.  Insha’Allah he will tell you.  At this time, you do not have to tell him you will comply with the ban on her family nor do you tell him you will continue seeing her.  You are just there to gather information so you know what is going on.   Think about the issue. Most likely it is a harmless quarrel but if it is something horrendous such as her father is an abuser or pedophile then your dad is right is trying to restrict interaction.  In a serious case like that, it is nothing against your best friend. It is measured to ensure you are safe.  While this is a drastic example and I am sure this is not the reason, I illustrate this to show you why sometimes parents may make these requests.

 

Disagreements

In all likelihood, it is a disagreement between your dad and hers, and that is where it should be kept.  Other family members should not be brought in.  The two men need to resolve their own issues.  Sometimes when disagreements happen between families, sadly whole families become off limits and this wrong.

 

Sister, you are an adult now.  I would kindly suggest that you find out what the problem is between your dad and hers.  Analyze it and make an informed decision.   After talking with your dad and taking a few days to think about what he said, you may wish to discuss your decision with your dad or you may choose not to. Either way, it is up to you.  Please do be prepared insha’Allah to back up your decision if he asks why you are not complying.  Make a list of points based on the Qur’an and authentic hadiths in regards to friendships, forgiveness, and mercy.

 

Insha’Allah your dad’s issues with him will not last very long.  The two of you have been friends for 7 years and based on what you wrote, this is the first time there was an issue.  Please do consult with your dad for a more definitive explanation regarding the issue; think about the seriousness of his claim and make an informed decision based on your life choices.  Please do make dua to Allah that this disagreement clears up sister.  Allah is most merciful.  We wish you the best.